There are nights when servers get an unbelieveable amount of bull shit thrown their way by customers who think more of themselves than anyone ever possibly could.....let's talk about some of the things that servers have to smile at while working their way through the shift......why is it when people sit at a restaurant table, they completely lose the ability to tell time? "We asked for more butter ten minutes ago!!!!!...(1)...and!...they're indignant about it. Truth be told...it was more like 2 minutes ago, if that....its not our fault that your once you saw the bread, your over zealous saliva glands put you in "Pavlov's dog" mode, and you're now drooling on yourself. Besides that, you just consumed more butter on a single piece of bread, than was necessary for a weight-gaining sumo wrestler on a 9000 calorie-a-day diet.
We tell you the house salad has lettuce, blah blah blah and is topped with bacon....You then order it...we bring it to the table...you look at it in horror and disbelief (?!?!?) and declare "I can't eat bacon!!! I didn't know it had bacon on it!!!" (2) I'm gonna go out on a limb here, and guess that you've been a moron your whole life...and now you are at my table and I have to smile through it. But still, I will give you the benefit of the doubt, and figure you can count to three...so something else has got to wrong....(according to you). But we are expecting it now...the other servers are walking by to see what else you're gonna complain about....oh shit! they just caught your eye..."We need more lemons for our water!..(3)...We ran out of sugar packets....(4)....(cheap asses are making their own lemonade) We want more bread....(5).....what's taking so long...where's our food!...we ordered half an hour ago!?!.. .(6)....ok...the runner brings the food (btw- it took 14 minutes) This isn't what I ordered!!! (7) As they stab at it with the fork they held up in the air to see if it was clean (8) (I hope something falls in your eye) You still, can only count to three...but your complaining is like three to the tenth power! we're still smiling.... We're cussing you out, back in the kitchen....but we're still smiling.....and we are staying calm....which is harder than smiling....you tell everyone else to check their food, because you are sure everyone was served the wrong dish......teeth are now gritted...and now you have that set-in-cement server smile thing going.....the only thing that softens this smile is the vision you have in your head of standing over them with a gas can in one hand...and a match in the other.....what's it gonna be folks?
And the Oscar goes to......
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maybe a job at walmart would be more appropriate.
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