The most common whine at a restaurant.....

"We want separate checks"....is perhaps the most famliar whine at a restaurant (and you thought it was Chardonnay) now there are some occasions when we don't mind doing this...here are some occasions when we do mind: there are 2 people at the table...no big deal...it's easy to give separate checks for two people.....Person one orders...and then person two says, "I'll have the exact same thing." Your bills are going to be identical! Can neither one of you take a number (nay number!) and divide it by two?!?! This is considered too stupid to be true...so yes, we mind.

The server approaches the table..."Hello, how's everyone doing tonight?" (In a really pleasant voice, I might add) "WE WANT SEPARATE CHECKS." I'm fine also, thanking you for asking." Was this display of a total lack of manners a poorly rehearsed group thing, or were you all trying to beat each other to it?"

The customers don't ask for separate checks...and then after you've dropped off the bill and  you go to pick it up.....they start holding up credit cards and saying..."This is for the veal and a glass of wine.....so now ya gotta go separate the damn checks.....only you have to make sure everything was rung under the right seat number...because if it's one check it doesn't matter where you ring everything in....so now ya got.......ass holes..why didn't you just say so in the first place....we wouldn't dislike you as much as we do right now.....

The worst though...is when you have a large group, they want separate checks and start pointing to who should be on who's check...and they are scattered all over the table....okay...we can get to that later.....all we ask is that you don't switch seats on us.

"Why" they ask, with that ever-so-becoming deer in the headlights look....

Because we enter everything by seat number...and if you move...we won't know who is on what tab.

"Oh." (This group has a nice economy of words and a pretty tight gene pool)

You know right away that this was totally lost on them......within five minutes they're playing musical chairs.