When eating at the bar.....

An excerpt from the book……The Ordering Ritual…..



Many of the regular customers know that statements like “We’re ready to order now!” will be met with a response not heard in most restaurants, such as “Good for you” as I keep walking to the other end of the bar. Or, “I don’t see a cast on that arm, write it down yourself. And remember, spelling counts. If you are going to use abbreviations, make sure that are restaurant approved. If I can’t understand it, you won’t get it.”

Or, there’s always the ever-so-popular line, “We’ve decided!”

“Okay, it’s about time. You’ve been studying the menu to so long you should have imprints of it on your corneas, the kitchen is ready to close, and we’re out of most of the specials. Maybe you should go take a remedial reading course so you can speed up this process. Either that, or I can give you the picture menu next time.”

Then there was the guy (who was a very regular patron) who misread the description of a particular chicken dish that was on the special card one evening. When his food arrived, he ranted and raved that that was NOT what he had ordered! I showed him the card again, but he was on a roll and not ready to admit he screwed up. He said he would eat it anyway. Like he had any choice in that! It was either eat it or wear it, in which case he could receive the nutrients through osmosis, as it seeped in through his skin. I, personally, would find eating it more enjoyable.

The next day, before ordering dinner, he did acquiesce that he had misread the special card the night before. He was quite sheepish about ordering his food for the evening. I asked him if he was SURE he knew what he was ordering. He quietly replied, “Yes, I’m sure. I read the menu thoroughly.”

“GOOD! Because if you complain tonight I’m going to serve it to you suppository style!”