When making yourself at home goes too far......

We want you to feel welcome when you visit our restaurant, we want you feel at home, relaxed, comfortable. If the table you want is available, you can have it. The key word here is table, in the singular form.

We have a group of 8 who come in periodically to play bridge. That means two tables of 4. Not the 7 tables you trashed last time you were here. We let you come in before we are open, we set you up with coffee and tea, we set up extra pots on a hot plate, or thermal pots of coffee and hot water. You are constantly switching chairs, so we can’t possibly know where all your food goes, since you switch seats after your order is taken.

Do not look at me and say, in a rather demanding tone, “We don’t have any silverware!” well, it was on the table when you got here, you’re the ones who took it upon yourselves and piled it on the next 2 tables. How you managed to also trash the 2 tables after that is beyond me. Your purses and coats are strewn about the room… After taking your order, I see that the menus are all on the floor.

You ask to have the heat turned up, we turn the heat up. We, in turn ask that you keep the fireplace doors shut, because when they are open, all they do is suck all the hot air out of the room. I come back in the room, and you have the doors open again. I can feel the cold air being pulled through the room. When I mention that cold air is being pulled through the room, you get snotty.

You’re demanding and rude, and I have to clean up the 7 tables you messed up…..so if you’re still playing cards when I’m trying to serve you lunch, don’t give me snide looks because I’m interrupting your game, YOU ordered lunch, I’ must doing my job, and don’t be surprised when the bread basket lands on top of the cards.

Do not put your dirty plates on a clean table, I will pick them up as soon as I can. Oh! And don’t sound surprised when you learn that I am working more tables than just yours.

When I reset the extra 5 tables you trashed, because we have other customers scheduled to come in and use them, do not take this a sign that you can once again pile all your crap on them. I will once again move it all, and it may end up on the floor, just like the menus.

No one elected any of you queen of the universe, I am not your slave, and this is not your living room. The meager amount you spend, (it averages out to about $2.50 per person per hour, for the 4 hour duration your stay) does not entitle you to, well, anything. The total bill for the 8 of you, (which you want in separate checks) for 4 hours, we get from a table of 4, in one hour. I’m guessing you’ve worn out your welcome at other restaurants, and that’s the reason you’re here.

Pardon me ladies, but your severe lack of manners is showing. And you’re definitely old enough to know better.