Please spare me the lecture, “You’re not supposed to use any expletives when talking about Christmas.” You bake a hundred dozen cookies and tell me how YOU feel!!!!
One year, I think it was 1990 something, for reasons known only to a higher power, I went on a baking binge. It was a Saturday afternoon, sometime before Christmas. As I looked around the kitchen and saw my assemblage of cookies (I think they were multiplying on their own. I’d like to see the Keebler Elves pull that one off!), I decided to make up a lovely tray of neatly arranged cookies, and bring it to the bar. After all, I had far more than I could eat. Well, actually I COULD eat most of them, but common sense dictates that we not eat dozens of cookies for lunch or dinner. But if you are having a glass of Merlot, it’s okay to eat chocolate cookies, because chocolate goes really well with Merlot.
The cookies were a big hit! I decided right then and there, that next year I would take it a step further and make little packages of a dozen cookies each to give to all the regular customers. How quaint. Then they became “Those damn Christmas cookies!” Don’t get all high and mighty on me again, thinking that one shouldn’t use the words Christmas and damn in the same statement. I bet I can think of a lot of times during the holidays when you did that.
How about, “Dammit, I ran out of wrapping paper.”
Or, “The damn tape just ran out! Bobby, run and grab me the gray tape, it’ll look silvery and festive.”
What about this one, that is usually muttered sometime in mid-December, “If I hear one more damn Christmas Carol, I’m gonna puke!”
“Dammit, I still have one more gift to buy!”
“Stop eating that damn candy, you’re gonna ruin your damn dinner!”
“Here Mom, have some Merlot!”
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