Walker for the aging waitress....an excerpt from the book

I know this may sound rude, but why should one have to give up the work they love just because they can’t get around as well as they used to? This implement hasn’t actually been built yet, but I’ve got the blueprints, and I’m sure it would be a big hit. Younger waitri may even be jealous And we all know there are some older waitri (btw, that’s the Latin plural of waitress) who could still take better care of a table at a105 years old than some young airhead who can’t spell toast.


Alright, back to the WAW (figure it out). First of all, it would have wheels. I think this is an obvious necessity. One does want the food on the plate when it arrives at the table, so wheels would do away with the clump, clump, clump when walking to the table. It would also have hand brakes, one on each side to avoid going in circles. And of course the tray rack across the top. I have just described the basic model. Now let’s get to the options!

First, we’ll start with the condiment holders. They can be attached either to the front of the walker, or along the sides, depending upon how many are desired. These can hold anything from ketchup and mustard to fresh parmesan and a pepper mill.

The next option is sure to impress your customers! How about a built-in microwave!!! This comes with a complimentary oven mitt, for pulling those hot plates out of the microwave. A less expensive option for insuring the food remains somewhat hot on your trek to the table is a pizza delivery bag. Just lay it on the tray rack and stuff the plates in there. It’ll work. Sort of.

For the safety conscious, and those working under OSHA rules, we can install turn signals, or the flashing light-on-the-pole assembly, which connects to the right front corner. Full height is approximately six feet high. AND…who can resist the sound package that makes that annoying BEEP BEEP BEEP noise you hear when commercial vehicles backup?

I know there’s someone out there waiting to shout “What about the helmet?” Wellll…if you’re still waiting tables and need the WAW, then you know ALL the tricks of creating your own hair spray helmet, so wearing another helmet would just be redundant.

OH! One final options I need to mention is the “battering ram.“ This is for those busy nights when you are speeding through a crowded restaurant and some inconsiderate, oblivious baboon is blocking the aisle, and when you shout “Excuse me!” he just gives you a cursory glance. With the flick of a button, the baseball bat battering ram swings out and hits them in the knees. Heh, heh, heh, this one always makes me smile.