One night, a verrrrrry tall gentleman came in through the back door. (Remember, this door is right by the bar,) Well, it turns out that this gentleman is a professional basketball player. One of the waitri saw him first and recognized him. She discreetly pointed him out to me, which was a good, because otherwise I had no idea who this guy was, and then we quietly told the guys at the bar. You want to talk about being SUBTLE?!? We can’t! These guys were SO INCREDIBLY OBVIOUS! I found it extremely humorous that these so called men could so quickly turn themselves into a herd of “deer in the headlights.”
“Hey Jerry, I just put dog shit in your drink.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever…okay…ahh….sure….”
“Hey Don, your shirt is on fire!”
“Okay, I’ll get to it in a moment.”
“OH Briiiiannnnn, your wife is screwing another man in the phone booth!“
“Uh-huh, that’s nice…”
See what I mean? Complete morons.
As this very tall gentleman was walking back to his table, I thought all the guys at the bar were auditioning for parts in the next “Exorcist” movie. Until that point, I didn’t know it was possible to actually turn your head THAT far around and not incur serious muscle damage. If there had been any chiropractors in the crowd, they would have been in heaven passing out business cards. You would have thought Lady Godiva just rode through with a fresh haircut. Even then, these fools would have waved her out of the way so they could watch this guy sit down.
Hey guys! Just a hint for future celebrity ogling, first do a chin check and slap your mouth closed. That mouth-hanging-open stare just is not conducive to being cool. At all. I don’t know why I waste my breath. They’re not cool anyways, and never will be.
A little while later I pointed out, “Hey guys, I can’t believe you were staring that hard at another man.” They all came to attention at once.
“Do you know who that was?!?!
I’ll wait until they get both feet back on the ground before I point out to them that just because they were in the same building as greatness doesn’t mean any of it would rub off on them.
Available at the Barnes & Noble website.
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