Some days...I still wonder that same thing......well...let me look back for a minute....I think it may have had something to do with the fact that I lost my business......funny thing about owning a business...when they close...you no longer make any money...or it could have had something to do with the extra house I couldn't sell that was sucking me dry......the business was title research....you know, for when you puchase or remortgage your house.....actually it was pretty dull....it went pretty good for a while...and then our clients wanted us to charge less...so we could still get the same amount of work...(just like tipping has gotten lower lately) blah,blah,blah....real estate went to hell and so did my business......and so much for flipping that extra house.....shit, I need to find a job.... I went in search of a bartending job....I was really good at that......I hadn't waited tables in 30 years!.....I hadn't even filled out a job application in ...well...about 30 years! I am not thrilled about doing this......last time I filled out a job application for a restaurant, the process was a little different.....a lot less complicated then all this corporate stuff......30 years ago...you filled out a one page application...talked to someone for 10 or 15 minutes....you either had the job or you didn't...simple......so here I am filling out job applications...one place wanted to do a credit check...for a freaking server job!!!!!!!! I think not!!!!...so I left there without even finishing the app.....so now, the place that hired me.....I took a personality test...(if you don't know whether I'm nuts or not, in the first 15 minutes...you're never gonna know)....if you can't pass their personality test...you probably should not be allowed to associate with ...well....anyone.
So here I am sitting in a server class with people who are younger then my son....oh boy....
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
People I work with.....stupid songs
We're all in this dinner rush together..... If we don't keep ourselves going...no one is
going to do it for us. So as you're rushing around taking the dinner orders of those who like to
re-write the menu, and taking care of the needs (oh, the many needs) of the one's at your next
table over.....who think they are the only one's in the restaurant (somehow the noise of a full
restaurant is lost on them...I'm sure many things are lost on them) and above all the noise, you
clearly (painfully) hear the chef yelling for a runner!!!!! and then manager is telling you to
refill drinks, (you were already aware they needed refilling) and were in fact on your way to do
that along with gather bread for the pigs at table 52 and also two salads for table 42....oh
that's right I also need to get extra salad dressing for table 62....so altogether I need....two
pepsis, a diet pepsi with lime, which makes for an extra stop at the bar, for the damn lime....a
water pitcher....(take a quick look around...where the hell's the water pitcher....) bread for
four at 52...better bring 2 dipping oils...they're pigs......a house salad (no cucumbers) and a
caesar for 42......get the extra dressing for 62.....okay, they have everything else they need
for right now.....okay....62 is good....52 is dripping oil off o their chins...they're
good......42..still on salads....Oh shit!I gotta ring their order in.....okay, that's taken care
of...oh shit! I forgot about 41! Whew....still drinking coffee....all cashed out....go to the
kitchen to get something to drink.....as soon as you swing that door open- break out in a
motivational song....."IIiiiiiiii..wanna rock and roll...all niiiiiight...and party ev e ry
day!!!!!!!!!!boomboomboomboomboomboom....IIIiiiii...wanna...rock and roll.....(gotta love KISS
for this song!)
Anna joins in!!!! (Anna is this hyper-feisty petite 40 year old Italian woman who should not be
allowed to drink caffeine, oh relax..she's reading this right now) Okay one more time!!!!!!!!
IIIiiiiii...wanna rock and roll...all niiiiiiiigttttt........
You have not seen the true meaning of this song until you've seen me and Anna (both, definitely
over the average age of a server) rock this one out in the kitchen. Uh-huh. oh, it's okay, you
can lol....it's all the show was meant for. It's also a good tension relieving exercise.
Okay...back out on the floor now....
going to do it for us. So as you're rushing around taking the dinner orders of those who like to
re-write the menu, and taking care of the needs (oh, the many needs) of the one's at your next
table over.....who think they are the only one's in the restaurant (somehow the noise of a full
restaurant is lost on them...I'm sure many things are lost on them) and above all the noise, you
clearly (painfully) hear the chef yelling for a runner!!!!! and then manager is telling you to
refill drinks, (you were already aware they needed refilling) and were in fact on your way to do
that along with gather bread for the pigs at table 52 and also two salads for table 42....oh
that's right I also need to get extra salad dressing for table 62....so altogether I need....two
pepsis, a diet pepsi with lime, which makes for an extra stop at the bar, for the damn lime....a
water pitcher....(take a quick look around...where the hell's the water pitcher....) bread for
four at 52...better bring 2 dipping oils...they're pigs......a house salad (no cucumbers) and a
caesar for 42......get the extra dressing for 62.....okay, they have everything else they need
for right now.....okay....62 is good....52 is dripping oil off o their chins...they're
good......42..still on salads....Oh shit!I gotta ring their order in.....okay, that's taken care
of...oh shit! I forgot about 41! Whew....still drinking coffee....all cashed out....go to the
kitchen to get something to drink.....as soon as you swing that door open- break out in a
motivational song....."IIiiiiiiii..wanna rock and roll...all niiiiiight...and party ev e ry
day!!!!!!!!!!boomboomboomboomboomboom....IIIiiiii...wanna...rock and roll.....(gotta love KISS
for this song!)
Anna joins in!!!! (Anna is this hyper-feisty petite 40 year old Italian woman who should not be
allowed to drink caffeine, oh relax..she's reading this right now) Okay one more time!!!!!!!!
IIIiiiiii...wanna rock and roll...all niiiiiiiigttttt........
You have not seen the true meaning of this song until you've seen me and Anna (both, definitely
over the average age of a server) rock this one out in the kitchen. Uh-huh. oh, it's okay, you
can lol....it's all the show was meant for. It's also a good tension relieving exercise.
Okay...back out on the floor now....
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Performance Scopes...or What the Hell is the Point in That?
Corporate restaurants make you jump through a lot hoops. We are not there to jump through
hoops...just to do our jobs. I think hoop jumping belongs in the realm of either rythmic
gymnastics or the Cirque De Soleil, and maybe the rodeo...no wait...that's barrel jumping,
no...that's...ummm....Evil Knievel!...see how confusing this is?!?! Okay....back to the
title.....Performance Scopes. We are supposed to bother, excuse me, "inform" every custo...guest,
guest, guest (gotta get that right) that sits in our section, that they can take a survey, and
that the web address is on the bottom of the guest check. But in order for the survey to be
counted....they must answer the highest possible score for every question. What the hell is the
point in that??? We want to know your feedback...but only if it is good?!? What moron,
justified their corporate level job by coming up with this crap, is beyond me. And we're supposed
to instruct the custo....guest how to fill this out! For what purpose? I'm a reasonably
intelligent person... (on good days)...and I see no point in this. If you get a "good", instead
of a "very good", you're survey doesn't count.....(still shaking my head) but our managers
browbeat us at pre-shift (OH! Wait'll I get started on pre-shift) everyday, to get the
cus...guests (see, I'm getting better) to send in these invaluable trinkets of non-informational
information to corporate. WHY?!?!?! Aha...so the managers can get their bonuses.......It would
be an ENTIRELY different story if WE were the ones getting the bonus.....what they simply must
realize is this: We don't care about their bonus. We're just trying to pay the rent and eat.
As with everything, there is a short cut.....instead of bothering customers and leaving it up to
fate as to whether or not they will even fill it out in the first place ,much less
correctly.....many of us just do them ourselves. Gotta keep corporate happy. (lol)
hoops...just to do our jobs. I think hoop jumping belongs in the realm of either rythmic
gymnastics or the Cirque De Soleil, and maybe the rodeo...no wait...that's barrel jumping,
no...that's...ummm....Evil Knievel!...see how confusing this is?!?! Okay....back to the
title.....Performance Scopes. We are supposed to bother, excuse me, "inform" every custo...guest,
guest, guest (gotta get that right) that sits in our section, that they can take a survey, and
that the web address is on the bottom of the guest check. But in order for the survey to be
counted....they must answer the highest possible score for every question. What the hell is the
point in that??? We want to know your feedback...but only if it is good?!? What moron,
justified their corporate level job by coming up with this crap, is beyond me. And we're supposed
to instruct the custo....guest how to fill this out! For what purpose? I'm a reasonably
intelligent person... (on good days)...and I see no point in this. If you get a "good", instead
of a "very good", you're survey doesn't count.....(still shaking my head) but our managers
browbeat us at pre-shift (OH! Wait'll I get started on pre-shift) everyday, to get the
cus...guests (see, I'm getting better) to send in these invaluable trinkets of non-informational
information to corporate. WHY?!?!?! Aha...so the managers can get their bonuses.......It would
be an ENTIRELY different story if WE were the ones getting the bonus.....what they simply must
realize is this: We don't care about their bonus. We're just trying to pay the rent and eat.
As with everything, there is a short cut.....instead of bothering customers and leaving it up to
fate as to whether or not they will even fill it out in the first place ,much less
correctly.....many of us just do them ourselves. Gotta keep corporate happy. (lol)
Monday, April 26, 2010
Tuesday doldrums.....Scary makeup among other things...
It's Tuesday....hit or miss on the busy thing....so to entertain ourselves...let's make some customer observations! We will consider this a public service announcement. (Hey! anything to help out a custo....guest.) if you (the customer) have had multiple face lifts, and your mouth is stretched so tight you can barely chew....in fact it looks so tight that if you inadvertantly bite down too hard, you're gonna shoot out an eyeball...maybe sunglasses would be a good fashion accessory for you. In the very least it would keep small children from pointing at the anomaly at table 42. Of course at some point in time, in the duration of your visit....every server will have walked by to check this out. (Mary...don't be going all righteous on us, we saw you walk by and sneak a peek, too) -OR- and again , I stress, this is just an observation....if you think you can still wear the same mass quantities of makeup at 63, that you wore at 23, you thought wrong...and what is it with the pencil thin eyebrows???? What's that? Who am I to comment on someone's makeup? Good question, I'm glad you asked....let me just go over a rule of thumb to keep in mind when appying mass quantities of makeup....if you are in a dimly lit restaurant, the server approaches the table, and upon seeing you full face gasps and takes a step backwards......it may be just a touch overdone. If you're wondering about my makeup.....let me just share this with you......I dont' give a shit...I'm not out on a date.....I'm working.
If it wasn't so slow tonight, I would never go off on these tangents.....(okay, yes I would)
It's Tuesday....hit or miss on the busy thing....so to entertain ourselves...let's make some customer observations! We will consider this a public service announcement. (Hey! anything to help out a custo....guest.) if you (the customer) have had multiple face lifts, and your mouth is stretched so tight you can barely chew....in fact it looks so tight that if you inadvertantly bite down too hard, you're gonna shoot out an eyeball...maybe sunglasses would be a good fashion accessory for you. In the very least it would keep small children from pointing at the anomaly at table 42. Of course at some point in time, in the duration of your visit....every server will have walked by to check this out. (Mary...don't be going all righteous on us, we saw you walk by and sneak a peek, too) -OR- and again , I stress, this is just an observation....if you think you can still wear the same mass quantities of makeup at 63, that you wore at 23, you thought wrong...and what is it with the pencil thin eyebrows???? What's that? Who am I to comment on someone's makeup? Good question, I'm glad you asked....let me just go over a rule of thumb to keep in mind when appying mass quantities of makeup....if you are in a dimly lit restaurant, the server approaches the table, and upon seeing you full face gasps and takes a step backwards......it may be just a touch overdone. If you're wondering about my makeup.....let me just share this with you......I dont' give a shit...I'm not out on a date.....I'm working.
If it wasn't so slow tonight, I would never go off on these tangents.....(okay, yes I would)
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Ater a Weekend in Paradise
After a weekend in paradise....Just Order Off Of the Freaking Menu!
Why can't customers, or in the case of some corporate restaurants, "guests", (hey!
corporate, get over yourselves, they're people) just order off of the freaking menu!?! Don't you
just love it when they want to change every ingredient in the dish? It doesn't even resemble the
original.......and they do this everywhere they go! So aren't they essentially eating the same
thing, everytime? (take a deep breath) "Okay..leave out the mushrooms, substitute asparagus,
(excuse me, there will be an upcharge for the asparagas) (love saying that) no feta...no
sundried tomatoes...add spinach, but I want that steamed first...what other vegetables have you
got?....ok, add broccoli but I don't want that undercooked....I'd also like some shrimp added to
that, but I want them grilled, not sauteed.....oh, and did I say to replace the sundried tomatoes
with regular tomatoes,and how are those cut up, are they diced or in larger pieces? (long about
now....they're in your face) and instead of the feta, I want gorgonzola (yes! another upcharge)
and add just a touch of pomodoro sauce...(I could've taken the order for a table of ten by now,
and had the salads out!)...with just a hint of red pepper flakes. And just to let you know, I'm
very fussy (totally redundant) and I WILL send it back if it's not right!" (You are far more
impressed with yourself than anyone on this planet is) If you even THINK about sending this
back, let me tell you through which orifice this will be entering your body! Hey customers!!! You
need to realize that restaurants employ chefs, who actually know what they are doing! Take a
walk on the wild side and order off of the big people menu.
Why can't customers, or in the case of some corporate restaurants, "guests", (hey!
corporate, get over yourselves, they're people) just order off of the freaking menu!?! Don't you
just love it when they want to change every ingredient in the dish? It doesn't even resemble the
original.......and they do this everywhere they go! So aren't they essentially eating the same
thing, everytime? (take a deep breath) "Okay..leave out the mushrooms, substitute asparagus,
(excuse me, there will be an upcharge for the asparagas) (love saying that) no feta...no
sundried tomatoes...add spinach, but I want that steamed first...what other vegetables have you
got?....ok, add broccoli but I don't want that undercooked....I'd also like some shrimp added to
that, but I want them grilled, not sauteed.....oh, and did I say to replace the sundried tomatoes
with regular tomatoes,and how are those cut up, are they diced or in larger pieces? (long about
now....they're in your face) and instead of the feta, I want gorgonzola (yes! another upcharge)
and add just a touch of pomodoro sauce...(I could've taken the order for a table of ten by now,
and had the salads out!)...with just a hint of red pepper flakes. And just to let you know, I'm
very fussy (totally redundant) and I WILL send it back if it's not right!" (You are far more
impressed with yourself than anyone on this planet is) If you even THINK about sending this
back, let me tell you through which orifice this will be entering your body! Hey customers!!! You
need to realize that restaurants employ chefs, who actually know what they are doing! Take a
walk on the wild side and order off of the big people menu.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Servers, bartenders, etc.....this one's for you
Hey! All you servers, bartenders etc., doesn't it just burn your ass,
when you walk up to a table, give 'em a friendly greeting...'Hello, how's everyone tonight?"...(see, that was a friendly greeting).......and then they look at you and say "When you bring the bread, we want extra butter?" No hello, no nothing. (Thank you, I'm a robot.) Here we haven't even gotten a drink order yet, and already we want to serve them everything suppository style.
I know the people I work with now, think I'm some crazy ol' lady, (and they may very well be right)..........but there was a time..... back in the day..... when the shoe was on the other foot, and I was lucky enough to be wearing it. I don't know how, and I don't know why, but I had the chance to .....excuse me a minute......"Hey! I'm busy over here! I don't see a cast on that arm...write your order down yourself, and yes, spelling counts"......sorry 'bout that.....tell it like it was, tell it like I saw it......
So, all my fellow servers, bartenders, etc,..... this one's for you.
when you walk up to a table, give 'em a friendly greeting...'Hello, how's everyone tonight?"...(see, that was a friendly greeting).......and then they look at you and say "When you bring the bread, we want extra butter?" No hello, no nothing. (Thank you, I'm a robot.) Here we haven't even gotten a drink order yet, and already we want to serve them everything suppository style.
I know the people I work with now, think I'm some crazy ol' lady, (and they may very well be right)..........but there was a time..... back in the day..... when the shoe was on the other foot, and I was lucky enough to be wearing it. I don't know how, and I don't know why, but I had the chance to .....excuse me a minute......"Hey! I'm busy over here! I don't see a cast on that arm...write your order down yourself, and yes, spelling counts"......sorry 'bout that.....tell it like it was, tell it like I saw it......
So, all my fellow servers, bartenders, etc,..... this one's for you.
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