Quit hiding behind the Internet.....

Ya know, if you want to complain about your meal or drink, the time to do it is while you are eating or drinking it. If you feel your meal or drink is not up to par, let us know immediately, so we can remedy the situation. If you don’t speak up, then that’s your fault. Instead, you go home, get on your computer and write a nasty comment. Chicken shit!

We have a new demographic group around here. The “Coupon Diner.” Practically every place around here has a myriad of coupons available, so folks go from place to place, depending on what coupons are currently out. Add to that the “Corporate Dining Mentality,” which means if you complain enough, you get a bunch of stuff for free, (Whether your complaint is legitimate or not) and now you’ve got your classic “Scammer.”

The server and I figured out which table these internet complainers were at. They never once said anything was wrong, and they were asked several times. AND, they ate and drank everything! So how can we take your complaint seriously? They said the meat was “grizely.” Okay, if you’re gonna use the wrong word, at least spell it correctly. Did you mean “Grizzly?” If you did, that pertains to bears. Perhaps you meant “Gristly?”

They complained about every aspect of the meal….why did they not say anything when they were asked? Or…..are they just scammers? The fact that they supposedly suffered in silence due to their lack of common sense to say anything while they were there, combined with the complaint, (and the fact that they ate everything) leads me to believe just that. Yup, scammers, looking to get a free meal.

Yes, there will always be some legitimate complaints, at all restaurants, after all we are just as human as anyone else. But we’ve learned to read between the lines, we’ve all had to…..there are just too many scammers out there now. And they all know who they are. Are you proud of yourselves?

Quit kicking a dead horse.......

When it comes to drinking alcohol, people generally fall into three categories. Beer drinkers, for the most part will stick with beer, no matter where they are. Liquor drinkers, the same thing, and wine drinkers will usually stick with wine. It’s just the way it is. Sure, some may venture out of their category every now and then, but 95% of the time, they stay true to the pattern.

The only category I’ve seen an increase in, in the last 30 years, is wine. Restaurants have increased their wine selection over the years, by way too much! All too many choices does, is confuse people. So they order the “House” wine. Most people aren’t familiar with brands or certain wineries, they just know Merlot or Cabernet Sauvignon or Chardonnay.

Restaurant owners have taken to featuring certain wines, in an effort to get folks to drink more wine. If you look at the table tents, you may see a card in them, advertising the wine of the month, a certain brand, with a couple of choices, say, a Sauvignon Blanc and a Pinot Noir. EVERY time they do this, we end up with a shit load of wine leftover. Then we have to figure out a way to get rid of it. It’s good wine, but after a year and half of doing this, you’d think they would get the hint….it’s not really working. Liquor drinkers don’t care, beer drinkers don’t care, and for the most part wine drinkers don’t care either. They just want to order their Merlot or Cabernet, etc.

But owners want to “educate” the public. Why? Because they think it’s classy to drink wine? Beer drinkers stick to one brand, so do alcohol drinkers….quit trying to force feed people wine! If they’re ordering any form of alcohol with their meal, why does it matter what they drink? There are very few wine connoisseurs out there, and even fewer who want to become one. Quit kicking a dead horse!

For the Observationally Challenged.....

Okay, it was Sunday…we had some reservations on the books….we were short one server….someone called off sick….see, we restaurant workers (just like people in other walks of life) are also subject to the same ailments that seemed to pop up suddenly in the last two weeks (nasty cold s and flu)…..but for some reason there are always the few that take this as a personal affront. Would you rather they came in sick and sneezed and coughed all over your food?

We got slammed last night! I had to come out from the bar and take some tables. We were in constant motion….never stopping. We helped each other out, running food or appetizers to tables that were not our own…refilling beverages….boxing up food to go…but apparently this wasn’t good enough for some people.

Two women were complaining that they weren’t getting enough attention. Really?!? Do your powers of observation suck that bad?!? Or are you stuck in your own little bubble of a world where nothing else but you, matters? Or do you consider yourself a V.I.P.? Let me tell ya something…..everyone who comes through the door is a V.I.P.!!!!

First you whine to one server, who was refilling your coffee….then you start in on your server! “The service was bad….blah blah blah….” Look, we’re not kids, we’re professionals. We’re doing the best we can, and considering the circumstances, we were doing pretty damn good!

Yes, you’re out for a Sunday dinner….did you ever stop to think about all the people who give up their Sunday, so you can go out? I don’t think so. Instead, you belittle your server (are you felling good about that?) You tell him he blew his tip. What are you? On a power trip? The server apologizes (in my mind, unnecessarily, considering how oblivious you are to your surroundings) and tells you if you feel the service isn’t worthy of a tip, not to leave one. So then you leave a 20% tip. What was your point? Or is bitching at the server just a hobby of yours?

Ponder this….if all restaurants were closed on Sunday, where would you be having dinner, and who would be waiting on whom?

Patience, in the overall scheme of things....

Ah, Patience….we’ve talked about it before…let’s put in a little more in perspective….

You come in for dinner…the hostess seats…..(no lines, no waiting)….and it takes a couple of minutes for your server to get to you…don’t blow a gasket! It’s not because they are in the middle of card game, in the back…….it’s because they are taking care of other customers, and they will give you the same treatment and kindness.

Let’s say… instead of going out for a meal, you had to go to a government office, like the Register of Deeds. First of all, they don’t care how long you wait, whether it’s 2 minutes or 2 hours. They truly don’t care. And when it’s finally your turn, don’t expect to be greeted with kindness and a warm smile. Second, if you there is something missing on your deed, they’ll be quick to tell you, but won’t give you any information as to how to fix it.

So now….you have questions about the menu, the server will answer all the questions to the best of their ability, and if they don’t’ know the answer to something, they will go and find out the answer. At the Register of Deeds, they will simply tell you that they are not allowed to give out legal advice. But all you have is a simple question, that will be answered with, “Go talk to an attorney.” This is enough to put some people over the edge…after all, it took 30 minutes to drive there, another 10 to 15 minutes to find a parking space (that you have to pay for) and then another 10 minutes to get into the building and figure out where you’re supposed to go. THEN…after waiting for an eternity, you find out that you can’t accomplish what you came to do, and the staff is gnarly and won’t help you.  (And they'd really prefer it if you neer came back again) You leave mad and you’ve just wasted a few hours of your day, and it cost you money.

So in the overall scheme of things, is waiting a couple of minutes in a warm comfortable restaurant, anything to really get bent out of shape about? If you answered yes, then perhaps you should attend an anger management seminar.

When the audience rocks......

Okay, so we had another Double Take Impersonator Show last night…..it was a blast! It’s always more fun, when the audience rocks! We had a couple of large groups, one of 22 and one of 15, and they were out to have a good time.

I’ve never heard so many people singing along with Karen Carpenter and Neil Diamond! A few got up and started doing a line dance to Neil Diamond. (Yeah, yeah, I know, we’re all dating ourselves, but who cares?) And when Mr. Motown hit the stage…they sang even more! But then, this is the Motor City, and we remember the entire Motown Sound.

Sure, there were a few glitches (there always are)…like our sound man couldn’t get out of work as early as he needed to, and we started late, but once we got rolling, we rocked.

When Cher was working the room, singing to all the men, some got up and danced with her. Camera phones were snapping pictures right and left….I always tell everyone, take all the pictures you want, and post one on Facebook, saying “This is where I am, RIGHT NOW!” Hey, free publicity is always good!

Energy breeds energy. The audience was feeding off the energy of the performers, and the performers were feeding off the energy of the audience. It’s a give and take situation. By most standards, our audience is not young…but their energy speaks volumes about them….age doesn’t matter at all….it’s all attitude….and they all had the attitude that they were gonna have fun! I’ve seen groups of twenty somethings who couldn’t hold a candle to these folks when it comes to having fun. That, and us older folks have had more experience at having fun. Every generation of twenty somethings thinks they invented fun. Wrong!

So a huge “Thank You” to all who attended the show last night, you made OUR night!

Too much football for me......

I’ve been going in earlier on Sunday’s, since it’s football season. We’ve been watching the Detroit Lions, and most of the games have started at 1:00 P.M. We don’t have a big crowd for this, but there’s a few who show up every week, and of course the guys who are forced to attend the showers, always end up in the lounge at some point.

However, last Sunday there were just three who showed up for the game, and there were no showers going on that one needed an escape from. One regular got there right at 1:00, and the singer showed up with some cake. So there we sat having cake and coffee while watching the game. Then we had lunch…..I guess that was kind of backwards, since we had dessert first. (Don’t tell on us) Then the boss sent out some tortilla chips and pico de gallo, so we chowed down that also.

The restaurant wasn’t too busy, so I literally sat through the entire game. And asked a bunch of what may be perceived as stupid questions. I spent years working at a place where football was always on, but was always too busy to really pay close attention, so I learned a lot last Sunday. Well, really more than I wanted to know.

The few that were there, left when the Lions game was over, it was still a slow drinking day for the rest of the restaurant, so I watched football for the rest of the shift. I asked the manager, (who was sitting at the bar making out the schedule) if there was a preferred team in the next game. I figured it would be more interesting if I had a team to cheer for. But no, he didn’t care….so I started in with more questions. He actually started explaining a lot more to me. “Why do those guys keep trying to run through the middle of the pack, when it never seems to work?” “Why are all those yellow flags on the ground?” “What the hell is a horse collar?” “Shouldn’t there be more contrast in the color of the uniforms, so they don’t get mixed up and accidentally throw the ball to the wrong guy?” (I think this was perceived as a totally stupid question, but it made sense to me)

Ya know, I’d much rather be busy, and just glance over my shoulder at the game when people start yelling at the television.

The Dangers of Flavor......

It seems like every time you turn around, there is a new flavor of vodka. I can remember when there were only a few different flavors, like Lime Vodka, and it was pretty bad. (But, we managed to choke it down anyways.)

The latest flavor we acquired is “Cake.” Yup, cake. I opened the bottle, smelled it….amazing….it smelled exactly like cake! (How do they do that?) The customer who brought this particular flavor to our attention, also gave us a recipe for it. Cake Vodka, pineapple juice and a dab of grenadine. It tastes just like Pineapple upside down cake!

Here’s where the danger comes in…..it tastes so good, anyone could just swill it down, and not even realize they were drinking liquor. (Of course I took a sip and sampled it.) When the singer arrived at work, I made her a “Coconut Cake Martini.” Way too good! I’m going to have a great time experimenting with this one. I’ve already got some ideas I want to try for a “Red Velvet Cake Martini.” Hey, if someone can make a drink called “Cotton Candy,” I can make Red Velvet Cake!

Oh oh oh! How about Devil’s Food Cake! Liquid chocolate in a glass. I had to get to chocolate sooner or later, since I consider chocolate to be a food group. Oh wait! Let’s take the chocolate thing even further, and go with Black Forest cake!

Did I mention I really like cake? With all the banquets and parties we have at the restaurant, we end up eating an inordinate amount of cake….every kind you can think of. Yup….this is gonna be a lot of fun.

Badgering the witness, I mean customer.....

Ever have one of those bosses who seems to think everyone is inept? Surely we are far too stupid to have done our jobs correctly. At times he makes us wonder why we are even allowed to live.

There have been numerous times when someone at the bar is having an appetizer, there are a couple of bites left, and he reaches to take the plate out of the way (because I’m too ignorant to remove a dirty plate) only to be told by the customer, “We’re not done with that yet.”

I can’t tell you how many times I have served entrees at tables, noticed that the bread basket was empty and asked them if they would like more. “No, we’ve had enough bread.” A minute later, he swoops by and decides they need more bread, and drops off an overflowing basket. Good move. How are we supposed to sell them dessert if you keep force feeding them bread?!?

One night he stopped by a table to chat. It was the last table in there, they were all finished with their meal, and in the course of conversation he asks them if they want coffee. “No, thank you.” “How about some dessert?” (As though these questions had never entered the servers mind) “No, thank you, we’re stuffed.” “Are you sure you don’t want any coffee?” “Yes, we’re sure.” There he goes with the force feeding again. Quit badgering the customer! They have already been asked these questions by the server!

Oh! One night a woman sat the bar, she was waiting for a friend and decided to order some appetizers for them to split, as she was expecting him to arrive any minute. Well, her friend was a little late, she ate half the appetizers, and saved the rest for him. As Mr. Let Me Overwhelm You with Unnecessary Questions, comes over to chat (her knew her) he stared with the 20 questions again. “Can I wrap these up for you?” “No, I’m waiting for Bob.” “Do you need more wine?” (I’m standing right here!) Her glass was half full. “No, I’m fine at the moment.” “Can I get you some more bread and oil?” “No, I’m fine.” “Are you sure you don’t want a box for these leftovers?” (Once again) “No, these are for Bob, he’ll be here soon.” “Can I take anything out of your way?” (He’s really trying way too hard to find fault with something I may or may not have done) Now she’s getting exasperated. “NO. I don’t need anything, everything is fine, We’ve got it all under control.” Really dude! All objections overruled! Go away!

When he finally walked away, she looked at me and said, “I used to work in restaurants. I’m not going to let him undermine you.” Enough said. (And than you, ma’am.)

Treasures and Tickets

So….we have all these odd size glasses all over the place. They keep popping up, we keep shoving them aside. Okay, we gotta find a place to stash these. The manager asked me if I could find room in the liquor cavern (as I call it) so I went down and started rearranging some boxes. Surprise! I found a case of salt and pepper shakers! Cool! Now we don’t have to keep borrowing them from other rooms. (I love treasure hunting)

The liquor cavern is a room downstairs, it meanders a little, has a short hallway of wine, with a pipe running across the low ceiling, that I always hit my head on. Oh, I also found an old wine bottle rack that I dragged upstairs and put under the bar for extra storage. (We were getting over run with wine bottles.) Plus! At the end of the bar is an old humidor, built into the wall, that is also being used as wine storage. (Gotta love these old buildings)

Now for the ticket part…..our next DOUBLE TAKE IMPERSONATORS SHOW is October 19th. Since we’re not allowed to put our ads on the table tents anymore (for reasons too stupid to be believed) we had to find alternative ways of advertising. This is a bit of a challenge when your advertising budget is next to nothing. So we hit our little downtown area. We went and talked to merchants we know, who let us put flyers on their counters….stopped in at other businesses who put flyers in their windows, for assorted events happening in the area, and they added ours to their display, community bulletin boards…well, you get the gist of it. We’re two weeks away from show time, and 2/3’s of the tickets have sold already! Yay! We have people from the last show coming back again, this time with a new group! Double yay!!

How many layers of clothing does it take to inhibit a golf swing?

I know golf has nothing to do with the bar or restaurant, but I was off on Monday, and golf was the chosen activity.

It was not the best of weather for golf….it was cold…at least for this time of the year. I had on a lightweight turtleneck sweater, a regular sweater over that, topped off with a fleece-lined hoodie. (It was not a fashion statement either) I also had an extra jacket, that I threw on the seat of the golf cart. It does not help in one’s efforts to stay warm, by sitting on a cold vinyl seat….hence the extra jacket.

When we went in the clubhouse to pay, much to our delight, we found out that there would be no charge for today, the club pro was kind enough to comp us a round. Okay, that makes the weather a little more bearable.

So off we go! I’m told that the ball doesn’t go as far in cold weather….great…..I need all the help I can get! It also doesn’t help that the ground is still wet and the grass is a little longer than usual, both of which impede the progress of the ball….especially when you don’t get it very far off the ground and it’s needs to skitter along. (One time I hit the cart path at just the right angle, it rolled merrily along and gave me an extra 50 yards.)

However, over the years, I came up with a set of “Fall Golf Rules.” For instance, if it lands in the sand trap, it’s much too cold to be at the beach, so I take it out of there. Or, if it lands too close to a tree, and the tree will be hit in the swing process….annnnnd the tree is dropping leaves, then the tree must be ill, therefore putting it on the endangered species list, you have to move the ball. (As a matter of conservation)

Did I mention it was also quite windy? And that the wind kept changing directions so that no matter what direction we were hitting, it was into the wind. So you hit what you’re pretty sure was gonna be a great drive, and you watch the wind blow it off the fairway into a grouping of trees, then you have to use the Endangered Species Rule and the Autumn Wind Compensation Rule. Since the trees are in the way, and you can’t freely swing the club, you must use your foot wedge to kick it back to a more player friendly location.

Oh, and again with the wind….despite the quart of hair spray I used to mold my hair into a somewhat acceptable “do”…..it got blown into full fright wig mode.

Delay of party due to game.......

I just got through saying that we are not a sports bar. You never would’ve known that had you been there at certain times on Sunday. It started out in the typical manner….we had the Detroit Lions football game on at 1:00 p.m. There were a few who came in to see the game, and five other guys watching the game, because they did not want to be in the same room where a baby shower was going on. (Why do people insist that men have to show up for showers, whether they be baby or wedding)

The game started out like the week before, and the Lions were pretty far behind at half time. But just like last week, they started to come alive in the second half. We were watching the clock, but for a different reason. We needed the women at the baby shower to get out of the room, so we could reset for the next party, a memorial dinner. Look, if the servers are running around resetting every table that’s empty, those of you who are left need to take a hint…..there’s another party coming! Move! Your time for the room is up….you’re shower is all finished, it’s time to go! This is not your living room.

As the folks were coming in for the next party, they had to wait in the lounge, so the servers could finish setting the room. Turns out this group had no problem with that. They were a family of huge sports fans….The Lions were catching up and on the verge of winning, and no one wanted to miss it. (men, women and children included) The seats at the bar were filled, and they were standing two and three deep at the bar. They stayed there until the game was over. And it was really loud! Everyone was yelling and cheering and clapping! They won! Okay, delay of party over…they all filtered into their room.

Now we switched the television over to the baseball game….a few of the guys kept wandering out to check the score of the game. These people had really good timing…..the game was in the last innings as the dinner was winding up. Once again they wandered into the lounge to see the last part of the game. It was another nail biter….the bar was now standing room only….it was far from quiet….the sports fans all cheered together, and moaned together…the service staff and the kitchen staff kept wandering in and out to catch a glimpse of the game…..they won!!!! HUGE cheer! Again, you’d never know we weren’t a sports bar.

So thanks to the Lions, we were saved from a potentially embarrassing situation of not having the room ready at the agreed upon time.

Ending the week on a weak note.....

We had some reservations last night, and two small parties. However……the Tigers baseball game was on at 8:30 last night. So what started out as a typical Friday, quickly came to a screeching halt. But we were prepared for that. Those of us in the restaurant business can rational anything…..here we go…..

First of all, we’re not a sports bar, but we did have the game on. Second, since it was a later game, we figured all who were going out to dinner, would do so early. Third, it’s cold, windy and rainy, a good night to stay home with beer and pizza. Even one of the parties was out the door by 8:00. By 8:30 you could’ve shot a cannon off. It got so slow that all the Tiger’s fans who were working, had plenty of time to run into the lounge to check on the game.

It started out great! A home run! Yay! Then we saw the rain start. A few were leaving the stands…..then they showed the die hard fans….sitting in the rain covered by plastic ponchos, others holding umbrellas. It’s hard to see it raining on television…..so you know it’s pouring when you can see it! It looked like large puddles were forming on the field. It wasn’t long before we saw all the fans vacating their seats.

One guy at the bar quickly brought up the weather for New York on his phone. (We were all wondering how long this rain delay would last.) I mean, we had a slow night, at the very least we should be able to see the game that caused this! Then we thought they were taking the tarp off the infield….no…..wait…..oh, they’re not gonna take if off. A short time later they decided to call the game.

Slow night, no game….kind of like pouring salt in the wound, don’t ya think?