A bartender's nightmare...........

There are times when you are down to one person at the bar….and you’re thinking “Thank God you’re here, at least I have someone to talk to.” Then there are the times when that one person is there, and you would rather no one was there.

A handful of Happy Hour people came in last night, that was cool…then as the last of them were getting ready to leave, in came the bartender’s nightmare. (And everyone else’s nightmare) Every bar has one. It’s not so bad when it’s crowded, you can sort of chat for a minute and then pass them along to someone else. People actually get quite proficient at this and the nightmare doesn’t have a clue.

However, when everyone else leaves (all with a smirk on their face) and you keep note of who left you in this position…..you keep coming up with every positive idea you can. She usually doesn’t stay long, doesn’t always finish her beer, will probably get bored and leave, and so on and so forth.

Well, I was wrong about every possible scenario. She was excruciatingly slow in sipping her beer, mostly because she was prattling on about some inane shit the entire time. I may have said about nine actual words. The rest of my input was “Uh-huh” or “Mmm.” It didn’t matter at all that I was not participating verbally…..she had plenty to say about everything or nothing.

She was explaining how she had to count the number of drinks her father had on any given night, because if he had too many, then she wouldn’t give him his blood pressure medicine, because then his blood pressure would get too low. Yes, she determined that one night, when her father wanted her to drive him to the hospital, but she couldn’t because she had too much to drink, so she called 911 and told him she’d be there in the morning. Okay, I don’t’ think anyone, (who wanted to leave a note for the owner about a guy she knows that cleans windows and gutters, misspelled “Ryan” she wrote “Rayn” and had to ask how to spell “gutters”) should be practicing medicine.

I also learned that she could get me a deal on power-washing. Oh boy! And bunch of other stuff that I can’t remember right now, because I wasn’t really paying much attention.

An hour later my time in purgatory finally came to an end. She cashed out (for one beer)…kept talking….I picked up a couple of buckets that I suddenly and urgently had to take to the kitchen to rinse out….I was standing half in, half out of the doorway to the kitchen…she was still rambling on…..I finally just walked away. When I returned to the bar, I assumed she was gone…..my mistake. I had picked up my phone to send a text, then I hear the restroom door open….Oh shit!…..I tried to scramble back into the kitchen….too late, she caught me….walked over with yet more priceless information she felt compelled to share. AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Just shoot me.