Are your rules for dining at home really the same?

There are things that happen, or people allow to happen when dining out. that I’m pretty sure would have a different outcome if they were eating at home.

Some folks came in last night and decided to have dinner out on the patio. It was a gorgeous evening for dining out, or doing anything outside for that matter.

They started out by ordering a couple of drinks, one of which was a bottle of beer which we serve with a chilled mug. A couple of minutes later, the server came back to the bar and asked for another chilled mug. Not that it mattered, but I was curious and asked why. She told me “A fly flew in the mug.” I asked if it got in the beer, she said no, he hadn’t poured it yet.

Okay, wait a minute….if this had happened at home, I’m pretty sure he would have just shooed the fly way, and then poured the beer in the glass. No big deal. Anyone who has ever eaten outside (we’ve all been on picnics) knows that there will always be a pesky fly around. Sometimes they land on your sandwich, or plate, or on a bowl of potato salad. I’ve never seen anyone throw out a plate of food or an entire bowl of salad because a fly landed on it. But because you’re at a restaurant, all of a sudden you get all picky and act as though a vulture just shit in your glass.

Let’s not forget the parents who allow their kids to make a mess of everything within arms reach, and then some, including the floor. I’ve heard the comment, “Oh well, someone gets paid to clean it up.” The statement that is actually being made, is that you’re too lazy to teach your kids how to act in public. I’d be willing to bet you don’t allow your kids to play with the salt, pepper and sugar at home, and dump it all over the table. Or let them shove food off of their plate, and when it lands on the floor, look the other way.

Try and stick to one set of rules, it’s be less confusing all the way around.

It's just my opinion......

I have a friend I occasionally go out to dinner with. It’s sort of become “Adventures in Dining.” As with any large metropolitan area, we have a variety of different ethnic cuisines to choose from. Last night we dined on Middle Eastern food.

I have to admit I’ve not always been very adventuresome when it comes to food. I was a very picky eater as a kid. It wasn’t until I started working in restaurants that I truly expanded my limited palette.

So back to last night’s dinner……It started out with a small plate of neon pink cabbage. It was very pretty, but didn’t look like anything I had ever seen. My friend is a chef and VERY adventuresome eater, so he always gets to be the lead guinea pig.

He said the cabbage tasted like it had vinaigrette on it. Kind of like cole slaw….and as with a lot of different cuisines, there was lot of bread involved. (For which I was thankful) Not bad.

We ordered a variety platter…it was huge! A little bit of salad stuff at the bottom, a couple different types of chicken, (I’m good with that) some lamb skewers, some beef (I think) and some mystery meat on a skewer, however I won’t mention what it looked like. (I may be more daring than I once was, but I still can’t bring myself to eat mystery meat)

All in all, we finished a good portion of it…my friend took the remaining food in a to go box. My test for how well I enjoyed it, is, would I go back again? Only if someone else REALLY wanted to.

The time before we had sushi. My taste in food runs more toward the well done side, but I figured I couldn’t make a statement about sushi, until I tried it. So I did. And then I went home and had some pizza. That’s my statement.

What goes around comes around......

I was perusing through Twitter the other day, and I saw an article titled, “Verbal Tips Don’t Help Pay My Electric Bill.” How true.

It made me think about a party of 19 that I worked last week. It started out to be the usual luncheon thing, their arrival time was 11:30. Cool. That means they should be all wrapped up by about 1:00 or 1:30.….then I can clean up the room and have a couple of hours off before my evening shift. This party turned out to be a meeting that lasted until 4:00. Unless they add extra to the tip, I’m working an extra 2 and half hours, for the same money.

Sure, I got a lot of “Verbal tips,” and I thank you for those. Some even make it a point to tell us they are going to tell the owner how well we did. Again, I thank you for that, but it still doesn’t help pay the bills. Would it have killed them to ante up another buck a piece ? I don’t think so. Certainly would’ve helped make my day.

One of the servers had a table that ran up a $75.00 tab last Sunday. They wanted change for a twenty. I had just gotten to work (I was bartending) and didn’t have a cash drawer yet. They decided not to wait to get the change, and left a $3.00 tip. Now, 20% of $75.00 would have been $15.00, a pretty standard tip. But $3.00!?!? Would it have killed you to leave the twenty? Would it have killed you to be a little generous? I don’t think so.

By leaving the extra gratuity, what you essentially would have done, is just like the movie title says, “Pay It forward.” Somewhere down the line, from an unexpected source, you would’ve received a kindness in return. Please don’t argue back that no one ever does anything nice for you….it has to start somewhere, so why not be the one who starts the chain?

It’s up to you…for “What goes around comes around.” is a very true statement. You can start a chain of kindness and enjoy the benefits…..or you can be miserly and cheap. Just don’t be surprised when something comes around to bite you in the ass.

No, that does not come in a half order.....

Soft drinks get free refills, beers don’t. The other day at Happy Hour, someone wanted half a beer. No. It‘s Happy Hour, prices are already reduced. We don’t sell beer by the ounce, we sell it by the glass. The draft beer they were drinking was only $2.00. If this person was someone who frequented the place, spent a few bucks, maybe had some dinner, I might reconsider, but when all you spend is $2.00, I’m not gonna sell you half a beer at half the price. Especially when you’re someone who annoys the living shit out of everyone.

Yesterday, someone wanted a glass of Sangria. We have several varieties of Sangria, and they are served in 17 ounce pitchers, along with a glass filled with ice and fruit. Just order the drink as it comes. (The kitchen isn’t going to let you order half a steak)

I’m not going there. I’m not going to start customizing the size of your order, anymore than we already do. You can get a mixed drink in a rock glass, or a tall glass. If you order a bottle of beer, you can have any glass you want.

If you want Sangria, order Sangria. If you choose not to drink it all, that’s your choice.

If you want a smaller beer, order a bottle, that’s only 12 ounces, a draft beer is 20 ounces. See, we do have choices. So don’t go getting ridiculous on me.

It’s the same thing as the guy who ordered his drink in a tall glass, and then wants more booze in it. For the same price. Don’t complain about the drink not being strong enough, when that’s the way you ordered it. (Idiot)

I’m not going to set that precedent….so don’t whine at me, “But I only want a half a drink.” If I let you get away with it….then next time you are in, you’ll start a different whine, “I got it that way last time I was here.” I’ve learned that if you do someone a special favor like that, it is no longer viewed as a special favor, they will expect it to be the norm, and continue with the incessant whining thinking it will get them their own way. All they will manage to accomplish is to annoy and alienate everyone around them.

Practice what you preach.....

I worked a luncheon yesterday, for 19 elementary school principals. I was asked the night before if I could come in and work this….“It starts early, just serve them lunch and you can have a couple hours off before your next shift starts.” “Okay.”

Shortly after my arrival at 10:00 a.m. to set up, a few of them arrived, to set out candy dishes and flowers. Then one of them handed me a sheet of paper (she said it was a copy of the invitation) so I would be able to tell who had ordered.. They had 4 choices, and each one had a little mini table tent in front of them, with their name and a number corresponding to what they had ordered. One guy set his facing the wrong way. I reached over and turned it around, “I realize you know who you are, but I need to see this so I know what you ordered”)

As I perused the invitation, there was one line that jumped out and hit me in the face. It read “11:30 to 4ish.” WHAT!?! WHAT!?! 4ish!?! As my eyes were bugging out, I was inwardly screaming. So much for a break, my next shift begins at 4! AND! There will be no additional gratuity for the extra couple of hours I have to wait around for them to finish their meeting. (Those in the educational field are known for being notoriously cheap)

As I was trying to serve them beverages and lunch, one man kept leaning his chair back, balancing on the back two legs, and blocking the aisle. (This just reeks of professionalism) When I was in school, anytime anyone sat like that, they were told to put all four legs of the chair on the floor, so they wouldn’t fall over backwards.

Not to mention that he was also blocking the aisle….we were not allowed to rearrange our chairs any way we wanted, we had to keep the aisles clear. Others moved their chairs around, and ended up blocking any passageway I may have had to one of the tables. The one doing the balancing act finally started putting his chair back down on all fours so I could get through. Just barely. (Sorry to inconvenience you)

Then there were the ones who put their bags or boxes or books on the floor by their chair. Sure, they’re out of your way, you don’t have to move around the room, but I do. So I had to step over a bunch of stuff. (I don’t remember be allowed to put my books, or purse or whatever on the floor next to my chair, someone may trip over them)

So, in the public’s eye, you’re supposed to be the smart ones. Practice what you preach, or at the very least, practice a little common sense.

When help is a hindrance........

When things are running full tilt boogie, the only way to get through the shift is to help each other out. We’re very good at this. And…you get even better at this when you’ve all been working together for a while. “Hey! Have you got a second?” “Yeah, what do you need?” “Can you bring bread and oil to table 134?” “You got it!” Or, “If you’re going out there with the coffee pot, can you refill table 112?” “Sure, no problem.” “Hey! Can someone give me a follow and bring that tray of food to table 130?” “I’m on it!” This goes on all night. We all help each other out.

However, if I am behind the bar, it sometimes becomes a different story. There is limited work space at the service bar, so sometimes help isn’t help at all…..if you’re in my way, you’re a hindrance. The servers realize this, and stay out of the way…..the boss is a different story.

One night he decided to help put clean wine glasses on the rack, which hangs right over the service bar. (He has no idea how quickly we do things.) He would take one glass at a time out of the rack, they were washed in, walk the two steps and hang it up…..then get another glass……and then another…..I needed him out of the way. I can carry 7 wine glasses in one hand, and greatly decrease the time it takes to do this. Also, it was not imperative that these glasses be put away at this time. Because I have to work around him, it slows down the whole drink pouring process, by a lot.

Then he sees 3 servers setting up glasses for their drink orders, and decides he should help pour. How is it helping when it takes him a full minute to locate a wine bottle, (he doesn’t know where anything is) all the while standing right in front of the liquor bottles I need to grab.

The other night I was very busy at the service bar, two people sat down, at the service end of the bar, I turned to them, put down a couple of bevnap, (which is the international sign that I have gotten their order) the boss comes back behind the bar, with a tray, that he spends way too much time draping a cloth napkin over, has to step in front of me to get a couple of cordial glasses, then he turns to the couple and asks, “Has she helped you yet?” They looked at me with a puzzled expression on their faces….like…”What the hell was that all about?” I just looked at them and said, “Yeah, he does that a lot.”

So he poured a glass of wine, or a cordial, good for him….but it greatly hindered the progress of the other 12 drinks that needed to be poured! Ya wanna help me?!? Stay out of my way!!!!

Predictable and Unpredictable

I have hit what I am going to consider a milestone, I’ve officially written over 300 blogs. I know I’ve repeated some topics from time to time….hopefully with a slightly different slant each time…..but the restaurant industry certainly has provided me with a lot of material. Mostly because people are interesting (whether it be bad or good) and unpredictable at times.

There are those who we are always glad to see….they’re always pleasant, go with the flow and never complain about anything. Then there are those who, upon their arrival, cause us all to let out a collective moan. They are the predictable ones, in that we know they are going to bitch about something, and unpredictable in that we never know what they will find to complain about.  (We'll call this "Creative Bitchery")

We have one woman who unrolls her silverware (she is VERY predictable) and thoroughly examines it. She carefully turns it round and round, holds it up to the light, at every angle possible…I‘m surprised she doesn‘t pull out a magnifying glass…..I’m not going to stand there and watch this procedure….I’ll come back when she’s done.

I go back to the table when she is finished, (and this is not a quick process) she’ll hand over a fork or knife, and declare that it is dirty. Knew that was coming. There may be water spot on whatever utensil she determined to be dirty. As far as I know, a water spot on a piece of silverware has never killed anyone. I will not play into the drama, I simply, and I mean very simply say “Oh” and walk away with it, or just put it in my apron pocket. This is not the end of the world and I won’t let you think it is. I’ll walk to the kitchen and come out with a new utensil, or is it? It could be a different one, or it could be I just wiped off the water spot. (She’ll never know)

There are the predictable ones that sit at the bar, and ALWAYS try and get something for free. The unpredictable part is that you never know what half ass reason they’re gonna come up with on any given day. Give it a rest. It’s Happy Hour and you are already getting either half price or discounted drinks. Why keep proving to the world, day after day that you are cheap and obnoxious.

I think it’s time to start taking all this material and merging it into the next book. The first book, "The Bar Wench From Hell," is available at the Barnes & Noble website.

One coupon per table.....

I remember a time, in the previous millennium, when coupons for restaurants were almost unheard of. It was a good time. When deciding where to go to eat, we simply did not go to places we could not afford. As far as I’m concerned, there are WAY too many coupons out there now. In fact, there is a list on the wall of where each coupon came from, and how to enter each one into the computer.

There are coupons that come on the back of grocery receipts, or get mailed in a packet with 40 other coupons, there are actually several of those, and there are coupons you can get online, to name a few.

So why is it no one ever reads the small print? Or if they do read it, they choose to play stupid. “Oh, I didn’t see that part!”

Just because you didn’t read it, or choose to play stupid, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. That writing did not magically appear after you walked in the door. So why do you insist on arguing with us? You’re already getting a great deal. Most coupons clearly state, “One coupon per table.” and “No separate checks.”

It’s amazing how many times we hear, “We want separate checks, and we want to use this coupon.” “I’m sorry, but in order to use the coupon, it all has to be on one check.” “Well, I don’t see why.” (Your ignorance does not change the facts) “Because it states that on the coupon.” “Well, I still don’t see why.” So I usually use the old fall back, “The computer won’t let us do it.”

Look, I’m trusting that you are all high school graduates….if you can’t look at your bill, identify what you had, and add the numbers together, for instance, if your entrée was $14.95, round it off to and $15.00, your glass of wine was $7.00, add those together and you get $22.00. Add 6% sales tax, which is roughly $1.30, you now owe $23.30.…add the tip, (20% is very easy to calculate) It would be close to $4.60, add that to the $23.30 and you have $27.90. Go ahead and be a big spender and round that off to $28.00.

If you can’t do that, then you seriously need to take a remedial math class. I can hear it now, “I shouldn’t have to do that!” Shouldn’t? Can’t? Or just too mentally lazy? Or are you afraid your dining companions are gonna rip you off and you end up paying a quarter too much? In which case you should find new friends. OR….God forbid the server should end up with the extra quarter!!!!

If all you are looking for is getting the absolute cheapest meal you can, take your friends to a burger joint, stand in line, order individually, pay individually, carry your trays to a table and live it up! (Oh, and when you want that 2nd, 3rd and 4th refill on your diet soft drink, you get to walk over the beverage station and do it yourself)

You get what you paid for......

We had a wedding reception over the weekend, in one of the large banquet rooms. When planning one of these events, just like you get to pick the food, you can select different types of bar service depending on how much you want to pay. This particular group selected a service that included draft beer, house wine and well brands for alcohol. Meaning, you’re not going to get Tanqueray Gin or Grey Goose Vodka. You’re going to get the brands we pour when no one specifies a brand.

If you run upstairs to the bar, tell me you’re with the wedding, and order Jack Daniels on the rocks, unless you pay for it, you’re not gonna get it. Don’t blame me, I’m not the one who chose this service, but it’s all that’s being paid for, and that’s all you get. And they got a LOT of it. This group drank like there was no tomorrow. In fact, I’m amazed at how much they, and I’ve been doing this a loooooong time.

There is also a time limit on all this drinking. They got a four hour bar period. Towards the end of this period, more and more folks were running upstairs to the bar to get drinks. They were getting impatient, couldn’t wait the few minutes it took one of the servers to come and get the drinks. They’d tell me, “I haven’t seen a server in a really long time.” Bull shit.

“Give me a rum and coke, make it a double!” “No, no doubles.” At this point in time, no one needed a double.

“Alright, then give me two drinks.” “Nope.” Again, no one needed to stand there and pound one down in a single gulp, to be immediately followed by another.

Then they wanted Long Island Iced Teas. I probably shouldn’t have poured any of those, but I did, however they were not the booze filled glasses that one would pay for. I used smaller glasses, and far less alcohol than if you were paying for it. It was all well brands, but I kept getting the feeling they thought they were pulling on over on us. Not gonna happen.

For some reason people seem to think it’s their God-given right to get as ridiculously drunk as they want at a wedding.

We all breathed a sigh of relief when the end of their four hour drink-a-thon came to an end. Then they came up to the bar again, and ordered more drinks, I told them I had to charge them for the drinks now. (It was the same one’s running to the bar all night long.) Just because I’m not in the same room as you, doesn’t mean I can’t tell that you’ve had a lot to drink. Half an hour later, all bar service ended. “We’re closed.”

It’s usually the one’s who have had the most to drink, who argue the loudest. Like I said earlier, I’ve been doing this a long time, in fact I’ve been pouring drinks longer than the wedding party has been alive!

When you tell them, “No more drinks,” their behavior becomes so predictable, first they try and bargain with you, not buying it, then they get indignant. Been there, seen that, not gonna change my mind.

Sometimes it feels really good to say “NO!”

Writing a book is easy....NOT!!!!

There are a myriad of reasons why people write books. I can only tell you my reason. Plain and simple…..for fun. By that, I mean fun for the reader. I think every now and then you just have to sit back and relax…..smile…..chuckle…or even laugh out loud at life. Not everything has to be deep and serious.

I read a quote one time (and I don’t remember who said it) “I don’t call it writing, I call it rewriting.” I couldn’t agree more. I started out by getting my thoughts written down, in no particular order. Then as things began to take shape, I found as I organized all these thoughts into some logical order, I was rewriting pretty much every paragraph. This was not a quick and easy process. There were times when I would stare at my computer and try and figure out what to write about….so I stumbled across another quote, (this time I remembered the author, Pearl S. Buck) “You can’t wait for inspiration, the mind has got to know it’s time to get to work.” So that eliminates any excuses you try and come up with for yourself.

Once you’re finished, you have to find a publishing company. First I tried the traditional route, which isn’t easy, at all. After a year of rejection letters, a co-worker mentioned a local publishing company, that was publishing a book a friend of hers had written. So I contacted them, had a meeting, and got published. (the meeting went well)

Off and running, or so I thought. I knew books were selling, people were bringing them to me to autograph. The only problem was that I wasn’t getting paid. Didn’t see one check. The publisher kept making excuses. Then one morning I got a call from a cousin, said she read my book, and saw my publisher on the news last night, and told me he was being indicted. I asked her for what….she asked me the same question. This was not good. Time to jump ship. I only had a couple on months left on my contract with him, so with the help of a friend, I started my own publishing company. I jumped through all the hoops, crossed all the t’s and dotted all the i’s. A few months later, I was published once again, under my own company.

It was a lot of work, and at times very frustrating….with no guaranteed return. But when you believe in something, you’ll see it through, no matter what it takes.

On the back cover of the book, I wrote, “You may see yourself in this book if you have ever eaten in a restaurant or sat at the bar of your popular, local watering hole.” If you don’t see yourself, then you will definitely see someone you know.”

So go on, give yourself a laugh or two…and see who you recognize from your own world.

The Bar Wench From Hell can be ordered online from the Barnes & Noble website. All you have to do is enter the title.

Thanks, have a great weekend!

Still on the Martini kick.....

Let’s see…..that patio was open last night, temperature was great outside, it rained. The final hockey game was on last night, so it was slow inside as well. I always tell everyone that I can keep myself amused, no matter how slow it is….so I played mad scientist and mixed up some new Martinis.

I went with a dessert theme last night, because, well, why not? I started out with a Chocolate Volcano…so named because it tingles your tongue a little. (I’d tell you what was in it, but then I’d have to kill you) Chocolate is a food group in my world, so I guess that’s why I started there.

Then I moved on to a new version of a drink I came up with a few decades ago. Butter Pecan Ice Cream. This one could be very dangerous. Is tastes exactly like the name says, it would be very easy to gulp it down. A great option for those who would like to have a drink, but can’t stand the taste of alcohol.

Next I moved on to fruit based desserts…..came up with Lemon Meringue Pie, just a little bit tart, with a great lemon flavor, and a hint of sweetness from the meringue. Not into lemon? Then how about Cherry cheesecake? (I’m gonna keep going here, I’ve got a lot of bottles to play with)

Cheesecake not your bag? Then try the simple flavors of Strawberries and Cream….or perhaps Blueberry Cobbler is more to your liking…..okay, not interested in fruit? Try a sip of Tiramisu, or from the Box of Chocolates Collection, a Chocolate Raspberry Cream…or a Chocolate Turtle.

Anyways, back to more experimentation tonight…I’m never at a shortage for guinea pigs, as the staff is always to wiling to sample all the concoctions. Strictly in the interest of research and development, of course.

Why order it tall?

Most bars have a standard size glass that they serve some of the more common cocktails in. For instance if you order a Rum and Coke or a Scotch and Water, or anything with liquor and a mix, you’ll get in a glass that’s approximately 10 ounces, give or take an ounce, depending on where you are.

So……when you order the same drink in a “tall” glass, that implies that you want more mix in it. But, we always get the ones who order a tall drink, and then upon ordering their second drink, inform you that they want it a stronger, this time. Okay, if you want a stronger drink, don’t order it in a tall glass. We’re not the morons you think we are, and you’re not as clever as you think you are.

One guy wanted (in his own words) the cheapest Orange Vodka we had, with soda, in the tallest glass we have. Okay, so I pour him what he ordered. Sure as hell, when he ordered his next drink, he told me to put some vodka in it this time. Your not so subtle insult about my pouring abilities, coupled with the fact that you are one of the cheapest tippers around does not earn you any points.

I tell him….”Okay, I’ll just put it in a shorter glass.” “NO! I want it in a tall glass, just put more vodka in it.” No, I’m not going to do that. I’ve seen this time and time again where people think they’re smart, and want to get a double for the price of a regular drink. Oh, and your demanding attitude doesn’t help your cause, either.

What I am going to do is, fill the glass with ice, pour the vodka in there, shake the glass a little so the ice settles, add MORE ice, and then add the soda. Not you’ve got a stronger drink, but not because there is more vodka, there is just less soda since the glass is absolutely packed with as much ice as I can cram in there.

Really guy, this isn’t my first week on the job….and again, you’re just not that smart. See, what you’ve never understood, and probably never will, is that you’ve stacked the deck against yourself by being rude, demanding and cheap. We’re not ripping you off, you got what you paid for, but not a drop more. Judging by your age, trying to explain all this to you at this point in time, would be a total waste of energy.

Jumping on the Martini bandwagon.....

After giving it careful thought, I’ve decided to jump on the Martini bandwagon. As I mentioned a couple of days ago, the boss found a new Martini recipe, and it tastes like shit. I don’t even want to mix it, people are gonna look at me and ask what the hell this is!

I was concocting a Martini the other night to match the singer’s dress, it was blue. A couple she knew came in, saw the blue drink and wondered what it was. We told them we didn’t have a name for it yet. The singer offered her a sip, said it was really good, but the woman had a cold and didn’t want to sip the singers drink….so she said she’d have a “Blue Dress.” Cool…..now we have a name for it. She figured if the singer liked it, she’d like it too. Of course, if you were a man ordering this drink, we don’t expect you to call it a Blue Dress, you can call it “Blue Suede Shoes.” I later asked her how she liked the drink, she pointed to the empty glass. That says enough.

I’ve been customizing drinks for the singer for a long time, so why not for you?!? If you come in, and can’t decided what you want to drink, just give me flavor, I’ll make you your own special Martini, and you get to name it. (However, if the name is too stupid to be believed, we’ll change it.)

You want something fruity?……Nutty?…..how about something from my “Box of Chocolates Cocktail collection?” There are no boundaries, let’s get really creative! You want Strawberries and Cream, or Butter Pecan, how about a Root Beer Float?

If you’re looking for a cocktail that doesn’t have that gnarly alcohol taste, come and see me. The ball is in your court, tell me what flavor you want!

I really hate to repeat myself.....

Friday night was rockin’ and rollin’…..we had several banquets of various sizes going on….the dining room and lounge were packed….we had a waiting list for tables…things were going great.

I had some Happy Hour folks at the bar, and then a few more trickled in to have a drink at the bar while waiting for their table. There were only three open seats, and I saw six people come over to the bar. One was a party of four, who took the remaining seats, (one stood) and the other two had to stand at the end of the bar.

I greeted the foursome and asked them what they would like to drink. The first said “Nothing,” the second said “Water,” the third said “Water,” and the fourth ordered a beer. If the three of you who ordered nothing and water think that I may have glared at you for a moment, you’re absolutely right, I did. Then the three of you giggled, I did not. Before I got your non-sale of an order, I went and asked the two who had to stand, what they wanted. They each ordered a glass of wine.

The people spending money got their beverages first. Sorry, the bar is not a parking lot for your butt. You wouldn’t sit at a table and have nothing but water, what makes you think you can be dead weight at my bar? You are hindering my ability to make a living. When the hostess says, “You can wait at the bar if you’d like to,” what she is really means is, “If you’d like to have a drink while you’re are waiting, you’re welcome to sit at the bar.” Obviously this is lost on some people. “No one said we had to drink to sit here.” C’mon, let’s use some common sense! The purpose of the bar is so people can have a cocktail.

Sure, it’s your choice not to have a cocktail…so go wait somewhere else. What would you do if I can into your place of employment, (let’s say it’s an office) saw an empty seat in the lobby, sat down and proceeded to pull out my bag lunch, and eat it. You’d probably tell me I couldn’t do that. I could put myself in your frame of mind and say, “Well, there is no sign saying I can’t do this.” Of course there isn’t! It’s implied!

So go park your water drinking ass someplace else and quit messing with my livelihood.

The good with the bad.....

You never can tell how busy, or not busy you’re gonna be from one day to the next, or even one shift to the next. Take yesterday for example (you knew I had to have an example) I worked the lunch shift, waiting tables, and we were quite busy. Two hours flew by like it was 20 minutes. So that was good.

The dinner shift was a different story, and I was behind the bar. The Happy Hour crowd was non-existent, as was the dinner crowd. We had a retirement party for a Nun, going on, but they didn’t drink too much. Customers for the dining room trickled in here and there, mostly there. That was bad.

I sat down at the end of the bar for a few…I was so tired from lack of sleep the night before (at 2:00 a.m. a storm blew in, freaked out the cat, she jumped on me, I woke up and couldn’t back to sleep for about 3 hours) I put my elbows on the bar, rested my head in my hands and actually dozed off for a few minutes, that’s how slow it was. I finally got up and started roaming around just to keep myself awake.

The boss had asked me to write out the recipes for the punches that we make for banquets. There are about 10 different ones. They all have names and descriptions, but no amounts of anything are given. One punch is called “Fresh Apple Mojito,” here’s the description: The cooling character of fresh mint, chunks of fresh apples, white rum and lime juice makes this punch a truly refreshing drink. Okay, so how much rum, how much lime juice, etc. You can’t fill a 160 ounce punch bowl with rum, you’ve gotta have a base, like juice or ginger ale, punch isn’t meant to get you hammered in record time. So, with a little experimentation, I made up a recipe….as I did for all 10 punches. It kept me amused for a while, as did the samples I was mixing up.

It was good, it was bad, it was just another day in paradise.

More flavors? Really? At least pick out good ones......

We have so many different flavors of booze behind the bar, I could probably make you a different drink every day for a year. In fact, I came up with about 30 different Martini’s just off the top of my head the other day. I make up drinks for the singer all the time…actually…..I make drinks to match the color of her dress…..Silly? Perhaps, but fun.

The boss seems to think all these drink recipes have to come from some secret mysterious place, like other restaurant’s menus. He added a drink someone called Soho Good. (I think he added it because he likes the name) So he runs out and gets yet another new bottle of booze called Soho Lychee. This is some of the worst stuff ever I’ve ever had the misfortune to taste. It smells like rancid perfume, and the taste is even worse. I tried just a couple of drops of it and had to run to get a Coke to rinse the nastiness out of my mouth. I hate Scotch, but I’d rather drink that than this liquid shit in a bottle.

If anyone asks me, I will give them my true opinion of this drink, after all, it’s a reflection on me, I’m the one mixing it, it is not something I would be proud to serve. This drink should come with a warning label: “Danger! May cause serious damage to your taste buds.”

We also have more wine than we need. He keeps featuring new wines, that end up sitting on the shelf…so what does he do? Goes out gets yet another one, and tells me, “This is what all the young people are drinking.” Great. Good plan. Perhaps he should stop to notice the average age of our guests is about 50.

When I first started bartending here, he told me “I don’t know anything about the bar.” Well, he keeps proving that over and over again, on a regular basis.

Okay, more about the weather......

Yesterday we talked about everyone wanting the temperature set to their liking…..well…..what if there is nothing you can do about it?

I didn’t work last night, I live a few miles away from the restaurant, and in our area, we had a brown out. With the sound of a click, the air conditioning stopped working, the television went out, nothing major was working, just the lights (they were very dim) and the ceiling fans, which were moving rather slow.

It didn’t change my plans, I was headed outside anyways to water the thirsty little flowers I had planted that day. My son sat out on the deck with his guitar. Funny thing about when the power goes out, everyone goes outside. People who seldom speak were standing around in small clusters, chatting.

It makes me think back to when I was a kid…..only a couple of houses in our land of 3 bedroom brick ranches had air conditioning, and those were all window mounted units. On hot summer evenings, EVERYONE was outside. Small clusters of people chatting was the norm. My dad would be standing at the corner of the lawn with the hose, watering the grass, the guy next door would be standing out there doing the same thing, and they would talk. Moms were scattered here and there on different porches, also enjoying the conversation. Kids were running all over the place. We all knew each other. We were all in this heat together, and we all lived through it.

So for all those who seem to think the environment should adapt to their liking, I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be the other way around. I think it’s good that these things happen every now and then, to remind us that we are not in control, as much as we would like to think we are. Really, it’s okay to break out in a little sweat, I’ve never seen anyone melt away.

The great weather debate (as though we could do something about it)

The old saying in Michigan is: “If you don’t like the weather, wait 10 minutes and it’ll change.” All winter long, and it was a looooong winter, we talk about warm weather and how good the sun will feel…planting flowers, playing golf without a jacket on, hanging out at the pool and so on and so forth.

How quickly we forget. Summer showed up all of a sudden this year, and it’s hot. Instead of hearing “Turn the heat up, it’s cold in here”……we hear, “Turn up the air, it’s hot in here.” Or “The air is blowing on me, can you turn it down?” “Is the deck open? Can we sit outside? Is there shade out there? Are there any bugs? Can we move inside if it’s too hot? It’s hot out here, my beer is getting warm.” This is no strange phenomena, have you never sat outside before on a hot day?

I am always amazed that people seem to think that wherever they are, the temperature should be customized to suit their exact specifications. For as long as man has been walking the earth he has had to deal with the weather, with far less conveniences than we have now.

If you are sitting outside and tell me “A bug just flew by,” my initial response is “So what!?!” Did you never learn that they live outside, or were you absent from school that day? Tell ya what….let me go get a can of Raid, and I’ll spray the whole area. Now you’re gonna freak out and say we’re trying to poison you.

We are an adaptable species…and that includes all of us. Did you ever stop to think about the people (servers) who are running around getting your drinks and food, sweating bullets, having to spend time in a very hot kitchen…or what about the cooks who never get to leave the kitchen and get no break from the heat, at all?!? 

So as you sit and wallow in your self-centered world because Mother Nature deemed it should be hot out, I have but one comment, “Screw you.” In a perfect world, you wouldn’t have to deal with the heat, and we wouldn’t have to deal with you.

Another weekend goes by......

The weekend went as usual…..there were two of us behind the bar on Friday night, and only one server in the lounge, so we took some tables. Actually the lounge was filled with reservations. We had a group of 12, a group of nine and a group of six. I ended up taking the nine. When I heard there was four kids in the group, I did what we all do upon hearing new like that, I groaned. However, I was met with a pleasant surprise…..these were some of the best behaved most polite children I have ever waited on. They said please and thank you for everything, and never once attempted to get up and run around. How refreshing!
We finished out the night with another Conga Line around the lounge.

Saturday night was a little slower, but it was gorgeous outside….so I’m sure there were a lot of bar-b-ques going on.

Sunday was another story….there is no bar crowd on Sunday….so I usually meander around, go chat with the hostess, do whatever I can to kill time. But yesterday, I found a mission. I decided to defrost the condensers in the beer cooler. We decided the best way to do this would be with a propane torch. I figured it would be a pretty quick job. I figured wrong. It took over an hour. I sat on an upside down milk crate…thought I was making a lot of progress…the I realized as the ice was melting, it was also getting incredibly clear. Where I thought it was all melted, I was actually looking through the ice….I reached over to see if I could feel the metal on the condenser, no just more ice….kept going…..but then, there really wasn’t much else to do….so I kept at it. At least when I was finally finished, I had a sense of accomplishment.

That was the same sense of accomplishment I felt when I unclogged a sink in one of the wait stations. It’s amazing what you can do with baking soda, vinegar and a wire coat hanger.

So, like I said, I pretty much just meandered around. There is always something to do, it just depends on what you’re willing to do.

The great uniform debate.......

The one thing I know about restaurant uniform shirts, getting new ones will not make us more money.

We don’t really care what we wear, as long it doesn’t cost us much money. We currently wear black button down shirts with a tie. We can pick up these shirts at a thrift store all day long for 2 or 3 dollars. Ties, you can pick them up for a dollar, or less. If you hit the thrift store on Friday or Saturday, it’s even cheaper. For less than $20.00 you can have 3 or 4 shirts to rotate.

So….when management tells us that we are getting new shirts, that don’t require a tie, we are fine with that, until they tell us the shirts will cost $20.00, and we have to buy them from the restaurant, and they will have a logo on them. Now the rebellion starts.

A couple of servers said that if we are required to wear something with their logo on it, they, by law, have to supply us with the first shirt. This is all hearsay at this point. Now the research starts…….I googled it, found minimal information, one article that had to do with minimum wage, and the cost of the shirt and not going over a certain amount, well, there is math involved.

We had a staff meeting yesterday, and they told us that would supply us with the first shirt. Yay! See, when you work a slow lunch shift, and don’t even make $20.00, you’re very reluctant to give up the money for something that is purely the whim of the owner. Gee, new shirt or gas in your car to get to work……what’s more important?

Also, if you’re working a couple of double shifts in a row, that doesn’t leave any time to do laundry. Again there is a choice to be made…..spend $40.00 or $60.00 so we can have a few shirts to rotate, and be short on our rent or car payment…or just keep wearing the same shirt over and over again…..”Sorry, I’m short on the rent, but I had to buy new uniform shirts,” doesn’t cut it, with any landlord or mortgage company!

Good thing these shirts are black, and won’t show all the crap that gets spilled on them.

What makes you think you can go anywhere you want to?

No matter where you go, whether it be a restaurant, a department store, a small shop, etc…. there are certain areas that are not meant for the general public to enter. In many cases it’s implied, like where there are swinging doors, and the only people you see using them are employees, there is no sign saying “Employees only.” If you enter one of thee areas and whine that there was no sign, the only thing you’re proving is that you lack common sense.

Restaurants don’t let you wander around their kitchens or work areas, department stores don’t let you wander through their back offices….you get the picture. So why is that some people feel entitled to go wherever they want to? I was walking through the kitchen the other day, to go through one of the wait stations that leads to the bar, and I saw a woman back there….she a had plastic bag filled with lids for Styrofoam cups, she was rummaging through everything on the shelves….”What are you doing?” “I’m looking for a to go box.” “We’ll bring one out to you.” Then she just stood there. Again, “We’ll bring one out to you, you can go back into the room.” What I really wanted to say was, “Get the hell out of here!”

For those who want to argue that there was no sign, I could argue back, “Perhaps you should have a sign yourself., perhaps you should have “IDIOT” stamped on your forehead so we know what we are dealing with.

These are usually the same people who think it’s okay to let their small children run at will through the restaurant…..or climb all over the bar stools….or the other day, let them climb around the piano (where the singer has her expensive electronic equipment) and just give them a cursory glance, if they are even in the same room. I walked over and told the kids they couldn’t play there. What I really wanted to say is, “I’m sorry that you’re the offspring of idiots who lack the skills to teach you how to conduct yourselves in public or respect the property of others.”

I would love to be a fly on the wall when these kids turn 10 years old, decide to play in the car and take out the back wall of the garage. Who you gonna blame then?

Your own personal comfort zone.......

It never ceases to amaze me how many people think that wherever they go, the temperature should be set to their own personal liking.  And God forbid it should be off a degree or two!

When I worked at a corporate restaurant, which was just a big box of a building, people would complain that it was too hot or too cold, regardless of the season. It could be 90 degrees outside, and someone will complain that it is too cold inside. Okay, as soon as you hit the door and go back out, you’re gonna complain about the heat. But……while your inside, you’re freezing. Look around!!!! It’s not like everyone in the place is sitting there shivering from the cold! Carry a sweater with you! Why should the rest of the world have to put up with your selfish demands? The minute we adjust the thermostat, others will complain it’s too hot.

The opposite is also true….”It’s too hot in here!” Again, look around…..no one else is sitting there counting the sweat droplets that fall off of their foreheads. Why don’t you try being a little thankful that it’s not 20 degrees and snowing!

Where I currently work, each room has it’s own thermostat, and that’s not good enough either. At one function, where there was about 35 people, within a ten minute span we heard, “My sister is cold, can you turn down the air?” Guess what?!? I don’t know who your sister is, and I don’t really care. Then they told another server, “It’s too hot in here, turn the air up.” Okay, so which way do we go? OH! And they never tell the same person twice….some of them wander around the restaurant until they find another server, who has nothing to do with their party, and complain about the temperature. When we servers compare notes, we find out several people have complained, too hot, too cold, too hot , too cold……..why do people think that everywhere they go, the temperature should be set to their own personal specifications? Because again, they are selfish and don’t give a thought to anyone else.

A suggestion….stay home, set the temperature to your liking, and don’t leave the house.

My solution for the too hot, too cold debate…..I walk over to the thermostat, reach my hand towards it, and pretend to adjust the temperature. Usually works. It’s amazing what works, when people THINK they are getting their own way. LOL!