Activities we do not allow......

This is an excerpt from the book:


SINGING

Whether one will or will not be allowed to sing at the bar is up to the discretion of the bartender. For the most part, not too many people can carry a tune very well. If I find that you are bothering me, or anyone else, but especially me, I will enforce the “No Singing” rule that I came up with.

Even if you can carry a tune, I may not like your selection of song, so you will need to be quieted. If you are tone deaf, are asked not to sing, and do not heed this request, I may have to take drastic action. You need to remember, just because you are asked not to sing, you should not feel personally affronted. Just because no one else you know has the good sense to tell you that they would rather listen to nails on a chalkboard accompanied by a squealing pig while a dog walks on piano keys than to listen to you try and screech out what will surely be a musical atrocity, even to the hearing impaired, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t. I just feel it is my duty as a bartender and a fellow human being to stop you from humiliating yourself any further.

I knew that after two notes your singing would cause the small children in the dining room to have nightmares for years to come. The neighborhood dogs would start to howl, drivers with their windows open would start to swerve, and glasses would break. Thank God we’re not near the zoo!

It’s hard to be brutally honest, but some day you’ll thank me.