So you’re throwing a baby shower…you get to the restaurant early to decorate the room….there is one thing you must remember, you’re not in charge. Do not order me about. Do not give me attitude. The cake is in the cooler, so I bring it out, only to find you have crap all over the cake table, and you look at me, like I’m a nuisance and tell me, “It’ll be cleared when we’re done, besides that, there is a mousse filling, so it could stay in the fridge.” Okay, I can’t see through the frosting, I don’t know that, although I could certainly poke my finger in it, if necessary.
(Okay, time to go into totally professional mode, not bitchy, just professional, you can't argue with that.)
Had you made your comments in a nice manner, I probably would not have been irritated. Now, you send a 13 year old kid to ask if you can tape a sign up right outside the door, so people will know there’s a baby shower in there. “No, I’m afraid the tape will damage the paint, besides there is a hostess at the door directing everyone to where they should be. (This was not the only event going on)
So then Grandma (of the mousse attitude) approaches me and says, “It’s not wallpaper.”
“Yes, I can see that. But we don’t want tape marks all over the wall, the hostess will direct everyone here.”
No sign was taped to the wall. (Pulled the whole tape marks on the wall thing out of my ass)
Twenty minutes after their start time, everyone is still milling about the room. Time to get this show in the road. I ask Grandma if they will be playing any games. “Maybe one.” Maybe one? Don’t you know? So I tell her, “We need to get everyone seated, tell them to look over their menu (There was choice of 3 items) I’m going to take the order, then you play your game while I am getting the salads ready.”
See, most people have an idea of what they want to do, but when it comes down to actually figuring out the timing on everything, they are clueless, so I’m going to tell you how it works. We work these events all the time, if we left it up to Grandma, an hour later people would still be milling about. I got there and hour and half early to set up the room, and it will take me an hour to reset it, after you’ve gone. I’m not getting paid enough to stand around and watch everyone talk.
I was warned from the start that Grandma might be difficult to deal with. One of my fellow severs commented, “Maybe that’s why they assigned you to this party.” Thanks.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
You've had too much to drink, and I haven't even seen you......
We had a birthday party going on in one of the rooms last night. It was a 60th birthday party, there were no kids involved. They had an open bar for a few hours, and the servers were busily running back and forth getting drinks. One party goer, the son of the birthday girl, started out drinking a Manhattan, made with Wild Turkey bourbon. Okay. I noticed that this drink was being ordered in rapid succession, so I asked if it was the same person drinking all these, or was there more than one person drinking them. Nope, no one else, they were all for the same guy.
After drinking three of them, he wanted a Wild Turkey Manhattan, made without the Sweet Vermouth. Why not just order what you want? Wild Turkey on the rocks. Was he thinking that ordering a Manhattan without the vermouth sounded classier than just ordering booze on the rocks? Maybe, maybe not. Or maybe thinking just isn’t one of his strong points.
Upon receiving his third Wild Turkey on the rocks, he declared to the server that it was WAY too sweet…..now I know, that class has nothing to do with it…..he’s just an idiot. There is nothing sweet about Wild turkey….and if you think there is way too much of the non-existent vermouth in your drink, then you’ve had too much. I don’t think this guy was old enough to have had his taste buds totally obliterated by mass quantities of alcohol yet, but he is well on his way.
Was he trying to impress the group with his knowledge of liquor? Perhaps. But all he did was to prove to us that he should probably be cut off now. If you think you’re that knowledgeable, and your palate is that finely tuned, AND don’t realize that you’re drinking straight booze….again, back to the idiot thing. But my guess would be that alcohol isn’t the only thing you shoot off your mouth about, and remove all doubt.
After drinking three of them, he wanted a Wild Turkey Manhattan, made without the Sweet Vermouth. Why not just order what you want? Wild Turkey on the rocks. Was he thinking that ordering a Manhattan without the vermouth sounded classier than just ordering booze on the rocks? Maybe, maybe not. Or maybe thinking just isn’t one of his strong points.
Upon receiving his third Wild Turkey on the rocks, he declared to the server that it was WAY too sweet…..now I know, that class has nothing to do with it…..he’s just an idiot. There is nothing sweet about Wild turkey….and if you think there is way too much of the non-existent vermouth in your drink, then you’ve had too much. I don’t think this guy was old enough to have had his taste buds totally obliterated by mass quantities of alcohol yet, but he is well on his way.
Was he trying to impress the group with his knowledge of liquor? Perhaps. But all he did was to prove to us that he should probably be cut off now. If you think you’re that knowledgeable, and your palate is that finely tuned, AND don’t realize that you’re drinking straight booze….again, back to the idiot thing. But my guess would be that alcohol isn’t the only thing you shoot off your mouth about, and remove all doubt.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Stupid Questions.....
A woman took a sip of her water the other day, and asked me if it was well water. In some areas this would be a reasonable question…..around here, it’s just stupid. No one has well water around here. No one! Was I supposed to be impressed with her discerning palate? (Actually we were all staring at her beehive hairdo, and wondering how she could even get in her car) It was also very apparent that woman had not only never missed a meal, but probably had quite a few extra meals over the years, on a daily basis. (I'm not buying the discerning palate thing) So I got her a new glass of water, with lemon, no less…..and this one was much better. Go figure. Then she was looking at two items on the menu, having a hard time deciding, and asked me if the spinach that came on the Portobello sandwich was cooked or raw. I told her it was cooked, but she could have it raw if she wanted to. “Oh, it doesn’t matter, I just wanted to know.” Uh-huh.
Her friend wanted some hot tea. “What kinds of tea do you have?” “I’ll bring you out the tea box.” “Oh, okay, what kinds of tea do you have?” I’ll bring you out the tea box.” “Oh, what kinds of tea are in it?” Did my eyes just roll so far back in my head you could only see the whites?
A guy at the bar wants to buy a shot of tequila for him and his friend. He orders Cuervo….I tell him the Cuervo is empty, but I will run downstairs and get another bottle. So he says, “Just substitute Patron, instead, for the same price.” “I’ll run down and get a bottle of Cuervo.” “Just substitute Patron, instead.” “I’ll run down and get a bottle of Cuervo.” “Just substitute Patron, instead.” “I’ll run down and get a bottle of Cuervo.”
So then he asks me how long this is gonna go on. “As long as you keep on saying that, but I AM going to run down and get a bottle of Cuervo.
This is the same guy who ordered the cheapest Orange Vodka we had, mixed with soda, in a TALL glass. The next drink he orders, he requests less soda. Really guy, I’m not going to replace the “less soda” with more vodka. Why did you order it in a tall glass, if you wanted less soda?
Her friend wanted some hot tea. “What kinds of tea do you have?” “I’ll bring you out the tea box.” “Oh, okay, what kinds of tea do you have?” I’ll bring you out the tea box.” “Oh, what kinds of tea are in it?” Did my eyes just roll so far back in my head you could only see the whites?
A guy at the bar wants to buy a shot of tequila for him and his friend. He orders Cuervo….I tell him the Cuervo is empty, but I will run downstairs and get another bottle. So he says, “Just substitute Patron, instead, for the same price.” “I’ll run down and get a bottle of Cuervo.” “Just substitute Patron, instead.” “I’ll run down and get a bottle of Cuervo.” “Just substitute Patron, instead.” “I’ll run down and get a bottle of Cuervo.”
So then he asks me how long this is gonna go on. “As long as you keep on saying that, but I AM going to run down and get a bottle of Cuervo.
This is the same guy who ordered the cheapest Orange Vodka we had, mixed with soda, in a TALL glass. The next drink he orders, he requests less soda. Really guy, I’m not going to replace the “less soda” with more vodka. Why did you order it in a tall glass, if you wanted less soda?
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
I hate shopping for a used car!
I haven’t gone out car shopping for a used car in over 20 years. I’m looking for something to get me back and forth to work. It used to be that you could drive up and down any main thoroughfare, and see cars parked all over the place with “For sale” signs in the window. Not anymore, the internet has changed all that. I know, because I’ve driven all over, and only seen a handful of vehicles.
Then I started searching on Craigs List…..found a couple, but it’s not as easy as just making a phone call on some of these……noooo…you have to email them….then wait for an answer…although I did get a hold of one person by phone…he said to call back in 45 minutes when he would be home from work. So I did….no answer…..gave him the benefit of the doubt, tried back 40 minutes later…..no answer again. I went back to looking on Craig’s List, and saw that in that 45 minute time span, he had raised the price of the car. He could of told me this had he just picked up the phone. (Ass hole)
Then I get an email reply…..I can see the car sometime between 4 and 7. Cool. So I email back saying I’d like to see it at 4.….again, no response….and again I see that he has raised the price on his listing.
So I expand the search. Start looking in other cities……find a bunch that actually have phone numbers…I’ll start calling on them shortly…..hopefully the monsoon we are currently experiencing will let up.
I am off work today, my goal is to find a vehicle TODAY. Maybe I’ve already weeded a couple ass holes out of the equation, and I can find someone who just wants to sell a vehicle. After all, I thought that was the purpose of posting a listing.
Then I started searching on Craigs List…..found a couple, but it’s not as easy as just making a phone call on some of these……noooo…you have to email them….then wait for an answer…although I did get a hold of one person by phone…he said to call back in 45 minutes when he would be home from work. So I did….no answer…..gave him the benefit of the doubt, tried back 40 minutes later…..no answer again. I went back to looking on Craig’s List, and saw that in that 45 minute time span, he had raised the price of the car. He could of told me this had he just picked up the phone. (Ass hole)
Then I get an email reply…..I can see the car sometime between 4 and 7. Cool. So I email back saying I’d like to see it at 4.….again, no response….and again I see that he has raised the price on his listing.
So I expand the search. Start looking in other cities……find a bunch that actually have phone numbers…I’ll start calling on them shortly…..hopefully the monsoon we are currently experiencing will let up.
I am off work today, my goal is to find a vehicle TODAY. Maybe I’ve already weeded a couple ass holes out of the equation, and I can find someone who just wants to sell a vehicle. After all, I thought that was the purpose of posting a listing.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
The old "Bar Crab" trick......
Every now and then, to amuse the bar patrons, you have to pull on old trick out of your bag. Last night I used the “bar crab.” I hadn’t given this a thought in about 20 years.
What you do, is, take a bevnap, open it out, then twist the corners, make each twist about an inch and half long, thus creating a dome in the center of the bevnap. Then you get a lime, set it on the bar and put the domed bevnap over it. Now give it a little push so it rolls down the bar. Since a lime is not perfectly round, it rolls funny…not in a perfectly straight….it takes a few little turns here and there….and it looks like a little critter moving down the bar.
Of course, now everyone wants a turn. So they push it up and down the bar to each other….every now and then it takes a turn in a direction no one planned on, and falls off the bar. When this would happen, I started hearing “Crab overboard!” So I’d pick it up and put it back on the bar, and the merriment would continue. Much the same way you would throw a beach ball back in the pool when the kids are swimming.
One latecomer stared at it in amazement, and asked “How’d you do that?!?” “It’s magic.” (standard answer)
Then the poor little bar crab would sit , lonely and forlorn, forgotten about, for all of ten minutes, then someone would start playing with it again. I was thinking of making another one, so they could have races, but I don’t know how many times I could listen to “Crab overboard” before I picked it up and threw it out.
I may have created a (short-lived) monster. Next time anyone from this group comes in, they’re gonna want to show the bar crab to someone else…just like a kid wants to show off a new toy. Then I’ll be hearing, “Let’s make one with a lemon! OH! Let’s try an orange!”
I sent a text to the bartender who is working tonight, and told her if they ask for a lime, to humor them.
What you do, is, take a bevnap, open it out, then twist the corners, make each twist about an inch and half long, thus creating a dome in the center of the bevnap. Then you get a lime, set it on the bar and put the domed bevnap over it. Now give it a little push so it rolls down the bar. Since a lime is not perfectly round, it rolls funny…not in a perfectly straight….it takes a few little turns here and there….and it looks like a little critter moving down the bar.
Of course, now everyone wants a turn. So they push it up and down the bar to each other….every now and then it takes a turn in a direction no one planned on, and falls off the bar. When this would happen, I started hearing “Crab overboard!” So I’d pick it up and put it back on the bar, and the merriment would continue. Much the same way you would throw a beach ball back in the pool when the kids are swimming.
One latecomer stared at it in amazement, and asked “How’d you do that?!?” “It’s magic.” (standard answer)
Then the poor little bar crab would sit , lonely and forlorn, forgotten about, for all of ten minutes, then someone would start playing with it again. I was thinking of making another one, so they could have races, but I don’t know how many times I could listen to “Crab overboard” before I picked it up and threw it out.
I may have created a (short-lived) monster. Next time anyone from this group comes in, they’re gonna want to show the bar crab to someone else…just like a kid wants to show off a new toy. Then I’ll be hearing, “Let’s make one with a lemon! OH! Let’s try an orange!”
I sent a text to the bartender who is working tonight, and told her if they ask for a lime, to humor them.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Feast and famine, all in two days......
We often joke around about how if Friday is slow, then Saturday will be busy, or vice versa. Well, this past weekend, I wasn’t paying much attention to that….Friday wasn’t super busy, I left early. This would be the famine part of the equation.
Saturday morning I went in to work a memorial luncheon…it was a buffet…..went smooth…..then I found out we were short some servers at night…I was the only bartender on, and may have to take some tables. So I took a 20 minute break, quaffed down mass quantities of iced coffee, and got busy. Cut my finger while slicing fruit, no biggie, nothing a band aid couldn’t take care of…..a couple of servers were helping to stock glassware…..had to get super stocked on wine….found out there were going to be 2 wedding receptions going on, plus a couple of other parties…..and….the reservation sheet was looking good! This would be the feast part.
It didn’t take long to get into full tilt boogie mode…..there was no way I could take any tables….I was pouring drinks for everyone in there, all the parties and open dining. What a blast!!! I haven’t been that busy in years! I was running out of beer glasses…so those at the parties with an open bar, got beer in any glass I could find…the garbage can was quickly filling up with empty liquor and wine bottles…..
The singer was rockin’ the room…the busboy came behind the bar and did the high kicks to “New York, New York” with me…..it was 9:30 before I knew it! We ended the night with a Conga Line through the lounge….those who didn’t join in the dancing, were having just as much fun as those of us who did….. gotta love it!
Oh! That’s right1 I was working and got paid! Gotta love this job!
Saturday morning I went in to work a memorial luncheon…it was a buffet…..went smooth…..then I found out we were short some servers at night…I was the only bartender on, and may have to take some tables. So I took a 20 minute break, quaffed down mass quantities of iced coffee, and got busy. Cut my finger while slicing fruit, no biggie, nothing a band aid couldn’t take care of…..a couple of servers were helping to stock glassware…..had to get super stocked on wine….found out there were going to be 2 wedding receptions going on, plus a couple of other parties…..and….the reservation sheet was looking good! This would be the feast part.
It didn’t take long to get into full tilt boogie mode…..there was no way I could take any tables….I was pouring drinks for everyone in there, all the parties and open dining. What a blast!!! I haven’t been that busy in years! I was running out of beer glasses…so those at the parties with an open bar, got beer in any glass I could find…the garbage can was quickly filling up with empty liquor and wine bottles…..
The singer was rockin’ the room…the busboy came behind the bar and did the high kicks to “New York, New York” with me…..it was 9:30 before I knew it! We ended the night with a Conga Line through the lounge….those who didn’t join in the dancing, were having just as much fun as those of us who did….. gotta love it!
Oh! That’s right1 I was working and got paid! Gotta love this job!
Friday, May 20, 2011
Energy breeds energy, but coffee helps too.......
Whenever we do a show, I never realize how much energy is expended until it’s all over. All day we walk around, or pace, if you prefer, making sure all details are covered, everything is in it’s place, did we forget anything, will Lady Gaga have a cordless mic for her entrance, if extra people show up do we have seats for them, hope there’s not too many no-shows, is the room too hot, is it too cold, yes to both depending on who you ask, do we have our water glasses in place, how long can I last before my feet start screaming in these shoes, do I have lipstick on my teeth, (yes) and the list goes on and on. Silly stuff, yes, some of it is…..but it uses up energy.
At the end of the show, when all the guests have left, it hits us. We’re exhausted. And now we get to break down all the equipment, gather up all the costumes and make up and shoes and full length mirrors and haul it out to our cars. While driving home, you’re physically exhausted, but your mind hasn’t shut off yet. Sleep! Sleep! Sleep!
What sucks is when you have to work a double the next day. So I got up, had my usual mass quantities of coffee, dragged my ass to work, (My hair looked worse than a cheap wig on a mannequin) so I did a hair spray sculpture, waited for the lunch rush to hit, and then suddenly you’re off and running, no time to think, energy reserves kick in and you’re good to go. Then the shift is over. Whew, time for a break. You look at the clock and realize it’s 3:30, and you only have half an hour before the next shift begins. Shit. So I drive 2 block to Tim Horton’s, get a frozen coffee drink and a donut, walk back in the restaurant, take a big slug of the frozen coffee, great, now I’ve got brain freeze. Ouch! Only 5 or 6 hours to go….oh look! Chocolate cake! Yeah, I’m on overload, my mind is shot.
At the end of the show, when all the guests have left, it hits us. We’re exhausted. And now we get to break down all the equipment, gather up all the costumes and make up and shoes and full length mirrors and haul it out to our cars. While driving home, you’re physically exhausted, but your mind hasn’t shut off yet. Sleep! Sleep! Sleep!
What sucks is when you have to work a double the next day. So I got up, had my usual mass quantities of coffee, dragged my ass to work, (My hair looked worse than a cheap wig on a mannequin) so I did a hair spray sculpture, waited for the lunch rush to hit, and then suddenly you’re off and running, no time to think, energy reserves kick in and you’re good to go. Then the shift is over. Whew, time for a break. You look at the clock and realize it’s 3:30, and you only have half an hour before the next shift begins. Shit. So I drive 2 block to Tim Horton’s, get a frozen coffee drink and a donut, walk back in the restaurant, take a big slug of the frozen coffee, great, now I’ve got brain freeze. Ouch! Only 5 or 6 hours to go….oh look! Chocolate cake! Yeah, I’m on overload, my mind is shot.
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