When the crowd is out for fun…Deliver!
It wasn’t a particularly busy weekend…school’s were closed this past week for mid-winter break….a lot of people take the time for a mini vacation….well, February isn’t really known for being one of the busier months of the year anyways…but Saturday was probably one of the most fun nights we’ve had!
We had two groups in the lounge who were having a rip-roaring good time…and then it got better. They were singing along, dancing, the two groups were joking around with each other…the makings of a perfect evening out for everyone.
I went over to talk to the two groups for a minute…..I was sort of swaying to the music, snapping my fingers, and one woman looks up and says “We’re gonna have a dance-off!” she immediately got up and started dancing again. I just stayed by the edge of tables….kept swaying, snapping my fingers, Deb was singing “We Are Family”, and when she got to the line “I got all my sisters and me,” she and I (being pseudo sisters-in-law) were pointing at each other, in time to the music of course. When the song was finished, the woman who was dancing, looked over at me and said, “HEY! What’s with the sideline dancing?!?” (You know what? She was right.)
On the next song, Josh, the busboy, came out of the kitchen wearing some goofy glasses he had found, was be-bopping around a little….told him, “Go over by that table, wear those goofy glasses and dance!” So he did! They loved it!
Turns out Deb decided to sing Donna Summer’s “Last Dance!” to close out the evening. I called Josh to come behind the bar with me, we put together a really quick choreography that just popped in my head…..we’re dancing, right arms waving in the air, “Okay now! Spin!” Deb was pointing at us, the two groups were hooting and hollering…then it hit me, “Get them to join in!” I told Josh, “Follow me!” And a Conga Line was born. Those who had been dancing got up and joined us! We circled the lounge for the duration of the song! One of the guys at the tables pulled out his phone and was madly snapping pictures! What a riot!
So you see, it doesn’t matter whether you can dance well or not, it only matters that if you want, you do. We only get one go-around in this life…so screw your inhibitions and dance!
Monday, February 28, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Happy Hour, yeah, maybe for you.....
Happy Hour’s were designed to get people in the bar during the slowest part of the day. You can get a glass of house wine or a draft beer for half price. Appetizers are also available at half off. Well drinks are $3.00. You’re getting a really good deal! You can have a few drinks, an appetizer, and your tab will be under $20.00. However….if you are there for a couple of hours, (taking up space) nurse a couple of beers and your tab is $4.00.….don’t rip off your bartender by leaving a shitty tip. A dollar doesn’t cut it. Especially on a Friday night when we cold have filled those seats with people who want to order a meal, at full price and don’t really care about Happy Hour.
Oh! Then there’s the guy who thought he was really clever by pulling out a tab from his pocket, from two days before, and wanting to know why the price of a drink was different on each tab. Let me explain…..what you ordered wasn’t a well drink, but we gave you a deal anyways…a deal you technically shouldn’t have gotten….so I told him we discounted a drink that was never meant to discounted, but we did it. So he asks, “Why the difference in price?” I told him (again) “It never should have been that low in the first place, so you got a deal either way.” He should have just dummied up and accepted the fact that he was getting a deal, but no, he’s gotta push it. Guess what? You’ll never get another deal on a call brand. You want a deal? Drink the cheap stuff!
A couple of days down the road, same guy, (still thinking he’s clever) wants a Long Island Iced Tea. There are 5 different liquors in that drink! By well drink, we mean rum and coke, vodka and tonic, you get the gist of it….so this guy is gonna argue that if it’s made with well brands, then it’s a well drink. And then! He wants to add a 6th liquor to it. He claims that a little Kahlua really rounds it out. But Kahlua is a call brand, he says, and wants to know what we can substitute for it. Tia Maria? Hell no! (That’s more expensive than Kahlua!) I tell him “Kamora.” It’s a less expensive knock off of Kahlua. Then he asks what can be substituted for Grand Marnier, which has an orange flavor, and is also expensive, not to mention the fact that they’re not made with that anyways, unless you wanna pay up the ass….which would be a waste anyways…once you start mixing that many things together it all starts to taste the same…..so he suggests Cointreau, another expensive liqueur, “Uh-uh, you get Triple Sec“, an inexpensive brand, used by most when concocting this drink. Really guy, you’re not that clever, and you keep on proving that over and over again.
So now he thinks he’s a getting a multi shot drink for $3.00 Uh-uh. See, we know what we’re doing…..I grab a glass, put some ice in it, shake it down, let the ice settle, put more ice on top so it’s got a dome of ice over the top of the glass. As soon as you start to pour alcohol over the ice, it begins to melt a little, settle a little more into the glass. Not much room in there now for anything. He’ll be lucky to get a ¼ shot of each. But the glass will be full…oh, I almost forgot, he also did not want any sour mix in it…and for people like him, that means he thinks we’re gonna make up for that with more alcohol. Not gonna happen!
So guy, by thinking you’re so clever and we’re so stupid, you’ve pissed us off. Sure, you’ll get your Long Island Iced Tea…..but it won’t be the $8.00 version for $3.00, you’ll get $3.00 worth. Should have just stuck with rum and coke….you would’ve gotten more booze that way. Idiot.
Oh! Then there’s the guy who thought he was really clever by pulling out a tab from his pocket, from two days before, and wanting to know why the price of a drink was different on each tab. Let me explain…..what you ordered wasn’t a well drink, but we gave you a deal anyways…a deal you technically shouldn’t have gotten….so I told him we discounted a drink that was never meant to discounted, but we did it. So he asks, “Why the difference in price?” I told him (again) “It never should have been that low in the first place, so you got a deal either way.” He should have just dummied up and accepted the fact that he was getting a deal, but no, he’s gotta push it. Guess what? You’ll never get another deal on a call brand. You want a deal? Drink the cheap stuff!
A couple of days down the road, same guy, (still thinking he’s clever) wants a Long Island Iced Tea. There are 5 different liquors in that drink! By well drink, we mean rum and coke, vodka and tonic, you get the gist of it….so this guy is gonna argue that if it’s made with well brands, then it’s a well drink. And then! He wants to add a 6th liquor to it. He claims that a little Kahlua really rounds it out. But Kahlua is a call brand, he says, and wants to know what we can substitute for it. Tia Maria? Hell no! (That’s more expensive than Kahlua!) I tell him “Kamora.” It’s a less expensive knock off of Kahlua. Then he asks what can be substituted for Grand Marnier, which has an orange flavor, and is also expensive, not to mention the fact that they’re not made with that anyways, unless you wanna pay up the ass….which would be a waste anyways…once you start mixing that many things together it all starts to taste the same…..so he suggests Cointreau, another expensive liqueur, “Uh-uh, you get Triple Sec“, an inexpensive brand, used by most when concocting this drink. Really guy, you’re not that clever, and you keep on proving that over and over again.
So now he thinks he’s a getting a multi shot drink for $3.00 Uh-uh. See, we know what we’re doing…..I grab a glass, put some ice in it, shake it down, let the ice settle, put more ice on top so it’s got a dome of ice over the top of the glass. As soon as you start to pour alcohol over the ice, it begins to melt a little, settle a little more into the glass. Not much room in there now for anything. He’ll be lucky to get a ¼ shot of each. But the glass will be full…oh, I almost forgot, he also did not want any sour mix in it…and for people like him, that means he thinks we’re gonna make up for that with more alcohol. Not gonna happen!
So guy, by thinking you’re so clever and we’re so stupid, you’ve pissed us off. Sure, you’ll get your Long Island Iced Tea…..but it won’t be the $8.00 version for $3.00, you’ll get $3.00 worth. Should have just stuck with rum and coke….you would’ve gotten more booze that way. Idiot.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Laryngitis
This is an excerpt from my book: “The Bar Wench From Hell”, available at Amazon or the Barnes & Noble website:
The only time in my life when I have gotten laryngitis, and ONLY laryngitis, was on a Friday night shift. I didn’t have a cold, or the flu, or any other symptom of anything, but I lost my voice. Completely! I couldn’t utter a peep, or an ahh or an umm. There was NO SOUND!
Of course, on the plus side, the phone would ring and there was nothing I could do about it.
Overall I felt great, but it was as if someone had stolen my vocal chords. I found it a wee bit cruel that the Friday night crowd should take such delight in my tribulation. I believe that they were under the misguided influence that they could get in the last word due to vocal incapacitation. HA! (middle finger) HA!
So what do you do when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade, or Veal Picatta. I had so darn much fun that night. I never realized what a wide variety if sign language I knew or could make up to fit the moment! And all those ass holes made sure the night was fuckin’ laugh after another. It was kind of them to supply me with challenges the entire night, so as to keep me on my toes, and them constantly on the verge of getting shitty drinks.
When the Friday Night Supper Club decided it was time to order, they went through the usual routine and wrote out their orders on bevnaps. Since they were some of the front runners in the “Let’s Pick on the Poor Mute Bartender Contest”, I was careful to give their written orders a little extra scrutiny Dave and Betty got their order kicked back for poor use of abbreviations. I boldly ex’d out their abbreviation of chick noo, which they use for chicken noodle soup. I told them this was not a restaurant approved abbreviation. I am the only one who has to read these homemade bevnap orders, so I let this slide for the last 6 or 7 years, but not tonight!
They tried crossing it out and writing over it, but I sent it back again with a note on the back: “Too sloppy. Can’t read. Please rewrite.
In an effort to cut down on waste, I started to save some of the notes I had written and had them neatly sitting on the back of the bar. All I had to do to make my thoughts known was to turn around and pick up the appropriate bevnap. I had “Dumb Ass” and “Eat Shit” and “You’ll pay for this later,” and the most fearful of all was a simple “Uh-huh.”
The only time in my life when I have gotten laryngitis, and ONLY laryngitis, was on a Friday night shift. I didn’t have a cold, or the flu, or any other symptom of anything, but I lost my voice. Completely! I couldn’t utter a peep, or an ahh or an umm. There was NO SOUND!
Of course, on the plus side, the phone would ring and there was nothing I could do about it.
Overall I felt great, but it was as if someone had stolen my vocal chords. I found it a wee bit cruel that the Friday night crowd should take such delight in my tribulation. I believe that they were under the misguided influence that they could get in the last word due to vocal incapacitation. HA! (middle finger) HA!
So what do you do when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade, or Veal Picatta. I had so darn much fun that night. I never realized what a wide variety if sign language I knew or could make up to fit the moment! And all those ass holes made sure the night was fuckin’ laugh after another. It was kind of them to supply me with challenges the entire night, so as to keep me on my toes, and them constantly on the verge of getting shitty drinks.
When the Friday Night Supper Club decided it was time to order, they went through the usual routine and wrote out their orders on bevnaps. Since they were some of the front runners in the “Let’s Pick on the Poor Mute Bartender Contest”, I was careful to give their written orders a little extra scrutiny Dave and Betty got their order kicked back for poor use of abbreviations. I boldly ex’d out their abbreviation of chick noo, which they use for chicken noodle soup. I told them this was not a restaurant approved abbreviation. I am the only one who has to read these homemade bevnap orders, so I let this slide for the last 6 or 7 years, but not tonight!
They tried crossing it out and writing over it, but I sent it back again with a note on the back: “Too sloppy. Can’t read. Please rewrite.
In an effort to cut down on waste, I started to save some of the notes I had written and had them neatly sitting on the back of the bar. All I had to do to make my thoughts known was to turn around and pick up the appropriate bevnap. I had “Dumb Ass” and “Eat Shit” and “You’ll pay for this later,” and the most fearful of all was a simple “Uh-huh.”
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Weathering the storm....
It used to be a lot easier to make money in the restaurant industry…..back in the late 80’s, all through the 90’s…..people went out multiple times a week……now they’re lucky to be out once a week. We’re all fighting for the same dollar. There used to be plenty of customers to go around, now we’re all fighting for the same ones.
Many are looking to get more bang for their buck….like those who want to sit in the lounge every time they come in….and they’re looking for many different reasons. Some wan to sit back and be entertained….others are looking for conversation….and still others want to join in and be part of the fun.
Even for those who want to be part of the fun, they’re looking for someone to lead the way, so sometimes you have to play the part of the fool. Not in an idiot sense…but in the sense that you can’t be afraid to have a little fun. There are songs that the singer sings, that seem to have universal sing-a-long parts…..maybe just a word or a phrase here or there….but no one wants to be the only one…for fear that no one else will join in….for fear of looking stupid. So you gotta put yourself on the line and lead the way. You’ve gotta show them it’s okay to have fun.
Whenever Debra, the singer does Petula Clark’s old classic hit “Downtown”, there is a perfect opportunity for all to join in and be a part of something. You know, “When you’re alone and life is making you lonely, you can always go”….(everyone) “DOWNTOWN!” You may be the only one on the “DOWNTOWN”, but others will join in…they just need to know you’ll be there with them…..and there will always be the ones who simply want to soak in the environment, and get their fun vicariously through others. But there has to be an environment for them to soak in.
When Debra sings “New York, New York”…she tells everyone that the bartender has a little choreography to go along with the song. Everyone looks towards the bar and wonders what she is talking about. This all started when I told her each time she sang it, I felt like breaking out with some high kicks….so one day we just started doing it. It’s always at the same point in the song…so she leads up to it….”She’s warming up back there”…..”She’s getting ready”…..”We’re almost there”……”Here it is!”…and I do my 4 or 5 high kicks. (Just the fact that at my age I can still kick my foot higher than the bar and everyone sitting at the tables on the other side can see it, is a feat in itself)
Silly? Yes. But fun…..and there a lot of people out there thinking the same thing…”I wish I had the guts to do something like that.”
So yes, it’s okay to be the fool and have a good time….there will always be those who have a good time through you. And through our antics, we delivered more than just a good meal.
Many are looking to get more bang for their buck….like those who want to sit in the lounge every time they come in….and they’re looking for many different reasons. Some wan to sit back and be entertained….others are looking for conversation….and still others want to join in and be part of the fun.
Even for those who want to be part of the fun, they’re looking for someone to lead the way, so sometimes you have to play the part of the fool. Not in an idiot sense…but in the sense that you can’t be afraid to have a little fun. There are songs that the singer sings, that seem to have universal sing-a-long parts…..maybe just a word or a phrase here or there….but no one wants to be the only one…for fear that no one else will join in….for fear of looking stupid. So you gotta put yourself on the line and lead the way. You’ve gotta show them it’s okay to have fun.
Whenever Debra, the singer does Petula Clark’s old classic hit “Downtown”, there is a perfect opportunity for all to join in and be a part of something. You know, “When you’re alone and life is making you lonely, you can always go”….(everyone) “DOWNTOWN!” You may be the only one on the “DOWNTOWN”, but others will join in…they just need to know you’ll be there with them…..and there will always be the ones who simply want to soak in the environment, and get their fun vicariously through others. But there has to be an environment for them to soak in.
When Debra sings “New York, New York”…she tells everyone that the bartender has a little choreography to go along with the song. Everyone looks towards the bar and wonders what she is talking about. This all started when I told her each time she sang it, I felt like breaking out with some high kicks….so one day we just started doing it. It’s always at the same point in the song…so she leads up to it….”She’s warming up back there”…..”She’s getting ready”…..”We’re almost there”……”Here it is!”…and I do my 4 or 5 high kicks. (Just the fact that at my age I can still kick my foot higher than the bar and everyone sitting at the tables on the other side can see it, is a feat in itself)
Silly? Yes. But fun…..and there a lot of people out there thinking the same thing…”I wish I had the guts to do something like that.”
So yes, it’s okay to be the fool and have a good time….there will always be those who have a good time through you. And through our antics, we delivered more than just a good meal.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
NO, it's not okay......
To the family who had dinner in the lounge last week, and upon finishing decided to move up to the bar to finish their drinks….no, it’s not okay to plop your 8 and 10 year old daughters down on a bar stool. I don’t care how cute you think it is to see your kids bellied up to the bar…..it’s against the law…..and I overheard you saying this to each other…but you did it anyways….not to mention the fact that there are a limited number of seats, and you’re inhibiting my ability to earn a living by taking up two of them for your kids….actually I won’t make any money at all since you brought your drinks with you, and don’t plan on purchasing anymore. You are not the exception to the rule, keep your kids away from the bar.
To the couple who wanted to purchase tickets for the Dinner Show, but refused to pay for them, or leave a credit card number to hold their tickets…..”Oh, we know the owner”….(pretty much everyone in here knows the owner)…..doesn’t cut it…..so when you arrive for the Dinner Show, if you even remember to, don’t be surprised if you find it’s sold out and you don’t have a seat….they are reserved for those who paid up front or left a credit card number to hold the seats….you are not the exception to the rule.
If you have a banquet scheduled for 1:00 p.m. and you show up at 11:30 a.m…..it’s not okay. Allow me to explain something….we arrive an hour and a half before the scheduled banquet time to set everything up…..there are no little elves running around in the middle of the night setting up the tables to your specifications….…..nor are they in the kitchen preparing food “just in case” you arrive way too early…..(nor is it okay to arrive an hour and a half late) there are a number of reasons why we ask you to select a time (many of which seem to be lost on you) and again, you are not the exception to the rule.
To the couple who wanted to purchase tickets for the Dinner Show, but refused to pay for them, or leave a credit card number to hold their tickets…..”Oh, we know the owner”….(pretty much everyone in here knows the owner)…..doesn’t cut it…..so when you arrive for the Dinner Show, if you even remember to, don’t be surprised if you find it’s sold out and you don’t have a seat….they are reserved for those who paid up front or left a credit card number to hold the seats….you are not the exception to the rule.
If you have a banquet scheduled for 1:00 p.m. and you show up at 11:30 a.m…..it’s not okay. Allow me to explain something….we arrive an hour and a half before the scheduled banquet time to set everything up…..there are no little elves running around in the middle of the night setting up the tables to your specifications….…..nor are they in the kitchen preparing food “just in case” you arrive way too early…..(nor is it okay to arrive an hour and a half late) there are a number of reasons why we ask you to select a time (many of which seem to be lost on you) and again, you are not the exception to the rule.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Women I can't identify with......
Jackie and I worked a baby shower this past weekend. We were guaranteed 40 people, and we got 40 squealing women.
Why is it when a group of women get together, they all greet each other with artificially loud “Ooooh’s” and “Ahhh’s” and all the other gibberish that comes out of their mouths?!? I like to greet people in a joyful manner, but I find it can be done without the squealing.
Jackie was the first to enter the room, upon the arrival of the women. (A group of 10 was the first to arrive, to finalize the decorating of the room.) The swinging door burst open as Jackie came flying back into the wait station announcing “There are too many chiefs in that room!” We decided that beverage service could wait until they stopped cackling and sat down.
We had an 8’ by 5’, “L” shaped gift and cake table set up. Plenty of room, that is, until they deemed it necessary to place pictures the length of the 8’ foot span. We had to drag in another table for the cake. (You can only fit so many tables in a room) We put a nice white tablecloth on the new cake table, which they promptly covered with a blue plastic table covering, that screamed “It’s a boy! It’s a boy! It’s a boy!” Guess they felt obligated to use it, even tough the balloons that were scattered about the room screamed out the same message. (Ever stop to think that all the money spent on silly decorations, that’ll get thrown out in a couple of hours could’ve bought a really nice, useful gift?)
And why is it, at (any) gathering, people completely forget the purpose of an aisle? I have yet to find a definition that states that an aisle is a congregational area in which to stand in groups and block the passageway of all others. Nor is it an area for placing large gift boxes because you covered the table with pictures.
Oh! And when we are trying to traverse the room with a tray full of beverages and say “Excuse me,” do not look at us like we told you we are going to remove your molars.
Let’s use a little common sense people! Stop squealing and take a seat! The chairs are there for a reason! (And no, you cannot move them into the aisles so you see better.)
Why is it when a group of women get together, they all greet each other with artificially loud “Ooooh’s” and “Ahhh’s” and all the other gibberish that comes out of their mouths?!? I like to greet people in a joyful manner, but I find it can be done without the squealing.
Jackie was the first to enter the room, upon the arrival of the women. (A group of 10 was the first to arrive, to finalize the decorating of the room.) The swinging door burst open as Jackie came flying back into the wait station announcing “There are too many chiefs in that room!” We decided that beverage service could wait until they stopped cackling and sat down.
We had an 8’ by 5’, “L” shaped gift and cake table set up. Plenty of room, that is, until they deemed it necessary to place pictures the length of the 8’ foot span. We had to drag in another table for the cake. (You can only fit so many tables in a room) We put a nice white tablecloth on the new cake table, which they promptly covered with a blue plastic table covering, that screamed “It’s a boy! It’s a boy! It’s a boy!” Guess they felt obligated to use it, even tough the balloons that were scattered about the room screamed out the same message. (Ever stop to think that all the money spent on silly decorations, that’ll get thrown out in a couple of hours could’ve bought a really nice, useful gift?)
And why is it, at (any) gathering, people completely forget the purpose of an aisle? I have yet to find a definition that states that an aisle is a congregational area in which to stand in groups and block the passageway of all others. Nor is it an area for placing large gift boxes because you covered the table with pictures.
Oh! And when we are trying to traverse the room with a tray full of beverages and say “Excuse me,” do not look at us like we told you we are going to remove your molars.
Let’s use a little common sense people! Stop squealing and take a seat! The chairs are there for a reason! (And no, you cannot move them into the aisles so you see better.)
Friday, February 18, 2011
Friday Fever!
Yay Friday! Looking forward to Friday Fever!
Okay, so I’ve had this nasty cold all week….been laying low….drinking a lot of fluids…..mostly juice and Gatorade….finally feeling on the up side……annnnnd….it’s about 50 degrees outside….this is like a mini spring fever…..most of the snow has melted…this is the weather that brings everyone out of hibernation.
You can almost feel the electricity in the air…..(I can even hear birds chirping outside! In February?!? Go figure, they must have thawed out)...can’t wait to get to work tonight!
Ticket sales for the Celebrity Impersonator Dinner Show are blasting off…..book sales are going well…..(both of which happen in the restaurant on a nightly basis) The other bartender will be back tonight….so I get to run around the lounge, work a few tables, work the bar….I was gonna say kind of like letting a kid loose in a candy store, but we’re talking about the lounge here, so I’ll say it’s like letting a drunk loose in a liquor store with an empty shopping cart waiting to get filled up.
Yes! It feels good to feel good again! Of course, knowing that I have a secret stash of M&M’s in my apron pocket helps. Hey! Chocolate is a very important food group.
Then, there is always the element of surprise that comes with any night…..last week it was when one of the servers inadvertently lit a table on fire while serving the Bananas Foster Bread Pudding. But hey, it’s all in a day’s work.
So enough rambling……let’s get on with Friday Fever! Can you feel it?!?
Okay, so I’ve had this nasty cold all week….been laying low….drinking a lot of fluids…..mostly juice and Gatorade….finally feeling on the up side……annnnnd….it’s about 50 degrees outside….this is like a mini spring fever…..most of the snow has melted…this is the weather that brings everyone out of hibernation.
You can almost feel the electricity in the air…..(I can even hear birds chirping outside! In February?!? Go figure, they must have thawed out)...can’t wait to get to work tonight!
Ticket sales for the Celebrity Impersonator Dinner Show are blasting off…..book sales are going well…..(both of which happen in the restaurant on a nightly basis) The other bartender will be back tonight….so I get to run around the lounge, work a few tables, work the bar….I was gonna say kind of like letting a kid loose in a candy store, but we’re talking about the lounge here, so I’ll say it’s like letting a drunk loose in a liquor store with an empty shopping cart waiting to get filled up.
Yes! It feels good to feel good again! Of course, knowing that I have a secret stash of M&M’s in my apron pocket helps. Hey! Chocolate is a very important food group.
Then, there is always the element of surprise that comes with any night…..last week it was when one of the servers inadvertently lit a table on fire while serving the Bananas Foster Bread Pudding. But hey, it’s all in a day’s work.
So enough rambling……let’s get on with Friday Fever! Can you feel it?!?
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