It's always good to know who the guest of honor is.....

When working a party, it’s always a good thing if you find out who the guest of honor is, right at the start. This may sound easy, but sometimes it’s not always easy to tell……




I was working an informal wedding reception the other night…..I don’t believe it was the first marriage for either one…..it was a pizza and pasta party…..the buffet was running from 6:00 until 10:00, and guests were free to arrive any time they wanted to, it was like an open house gig….most were dressed informally…it was really hot outside…..many of the women had on light weight summer dresses….so I asked my fellow servers, “Which one is the bride?” “The pregnant one.” Okay, easy to spot.

While working a Wednesday afternoon wedding reception, a woman came up to me and asked me a question, I asked where she was sitting, when she pointed to the head table, I realized she was the bride. (Whoops, my bad)

There have been several occasions where a small group of 10 or 12 are having a birthday celebration……a member of the party sneaks over to the other side of the room to talk to you for a moment and let you know it’s a birthday party, they describe to you who the celebrant is, but you realize there are a few people at the table who fit the description. As you bring the cake to the table, you try and catch the eye of the person who informed you of the occasion, so they can inconspicuously point you to the right person, it’s a little embarrassing to set the cake down in front of the wrong person. (I know this from experience)

One time we had a group of 20 girls, all about 18 year old, celebrating a birthday. Eighteen year old girls all dress alike, act alike, talk alike, etc. etc……and they never sit in spot for very long…..I just approached the table with the cake and said, “Okay, where’d the birthday girl go?” If she’s not waving her arms in the air in a jubilant manner, she will be the only one not pointing at somebody else. It’s good to have a keen eye for the obvious. Lol.

 

The week that kicked my ass.......

Between serving, bartending and working banquets, I worked 60 hours last week…..yes, count ‘em, 60! And that’s not 60 sixty hours of sitting behind a desk, it’s 60 hours on your feet….but energy breeds energy….once you get moving and keep moving, you can go for hours. Slam a coffee if you have to.


The place I work now has 8 banquet rooms of various sizes, only 3 of them are on the main floor….so plan on going up and down the stairs, a lot….17 stairs up, or 17 stairs down. (of course I counted them, if you‘re on a stairmaster, it‘s counts them for you) However, if you’re on a stairmaster, you are not carrying things at the same time, when serving, we are, sometimes very heavy things…. so enjoy the workout. Oh, and if you have to run and grab something extra and make a trip up the stairs to the kitchen empty handed, you’re doing the stairs in double-time.

When all is said and done…what a great workout for the ol’ gluteus maximus! And don’t forget about the arms…hoisting 20 to 30 pound trays around does wonders for toning your arms and shoulders…walk up the stairs with 2 fifteen pound buckets of ice, great for the legs!

I’m in my fifties, folks, so if you’re a twenty something sever, and you tell me you’re tired, I’ll probably tell you to kiss my ass.

Stupid, well, just stupid

 Every now and then you get the customer who asks a question or makes a statement, that’s just, well, stupid…


One night a woman asked me what kind of fish was the whitefish ……I had never been asked this before….it’s not that I was stumped…I was just sort of dumbfounded…I think I stared at her like a deer in the headlights for a moment……and then slowly answered, “Whitefish.”

One night, a grandmother type person, after tasting our marinara sauce and meat sauce, (I guess they weren’t good enough for her), looked at me and said, “We’re Italian! Does that tell you anything?” I think I’m supposed to know the answer to that, it seems kind of vague, but let me venture a couple of guesses….”You’re in the mafia?” “You’ve just committed a cardinal sin by not finishing the pasta that’s on the table?” “You braid your armpit hair?”

So yes, you’re Italian, and yes, that does tell me something….please see above paragraph…..

Immediately after taking an order, you tell your table that you will have their salads and some bread out in a couple of minutes, and then someone asks, “Do we get bread?”

Yes, I’ll be bringing bread out for everyone, except you sir. Due to the fact that you weren’t paying any attention to anything I said, you have now lost your bread privileges.”

Like a well oiled machine...............

There are those nights in a restaurant, when everything is running full-tilt boogie…..there’s a line at the door, two of your tables leave at the same time, you get double sat, you run and get their drinks, and then something magic happens…..one table decides to sit and relax for a few minutes before ordering…Yes! That just bought you some time to get the other tables order, and check any other tables you have going…..you fell like you’re one step ahead, all night…..your food comes out on time…..no one complains about anything….everyone’s tipping 20%…the adrenaline flowed.…and at the end of the night….you’re feeling pretty good…..the timing is different every night…and tonight it was perfect…time flew by…..and then…..


There are those nights when the machine seems a little squeaky…..the party of four that wanted to relax flags you down and tells you they are ready to order while you’re in the middle of a wine presentation….the table next to that wants more butter…..three people at the next table are trying to order another round of drinks….the kitchen is yelling for you to pick up an order….you run to the computer to enter a drink order but there are two other servers waiting to use it, you run to the other computer, line there too……..you just remembered that you forgot to get coffee refills….the kitchen is yelling again, but this time it’s to let you know that they’re out of the salmon you just ordered…you go to get bread and someone just took the last of it…...you can’t wait for the night to end, you’re exhausted…..you dream of tazering everyone in the dining room and most of the kitchen staff……

It takes a lot more than people realize to keep the machine oiled…..

I was talking with a young accountant one time…..he said he worked in a restaurant for two weeks, and it was the worst experience of his life, and he would NEVER do it again….he thought any of us who worked in a restaurant had to be a little whacked out….but that doesn’t bother us…..he just wasn’t tough enough to hang…..

Do you know how good it feels.........

Do you know how good it feels to be standing behind a bar again, for the first time in seven years?


I’m not talking about some corporate restaurant bar that’s made to fit a theme….fake marble, fake columns, cutesy shit……I’m talking about a real bar, no, not some beer guzzling shot pounding place…..I’m talking about a timeless place……wood….baby grand piano over in the corner…..heavy wood bar stools……….tables neatly set for four….it’s comfortable…..you can laugh out loud….or you can watch the baseball game….friends meet up there about the same time every week, have a few drinks, have some dinner….share life for a couple of hours……It’s a comfortable place…..we share laughs about everything and everybody…..we share information……we share sad events…..but mostly we are here, in this little microcosm of the world, to enjoy this mini two hour eutopia we all helped to build.  Where I share a birthday with Geri's sone and her birthday is tha same as my son and Debbie's birthday is one day after mine.....and my ex-husband's fourth ex-wife (here we go again, but it is funny) is the singer on the weekends, and the new busboy's uncle is my best friend's next door neighbor...........

I get to be a part of it all....yet at the same time I get to be an observer.......

As much as it stays the same, it is also constantly changing……new people drift in and out….some move away……some are only show up occasionally……every now and then they being in family members…..out-of-town visitors…..after all, it’s a really comfortable place……..

This bartending thing really gets in the blood of some people, I guess I’m one of them.

Do you know how good it feels to be standing behind a real bar again, for the first time in seven years?


It feels damn good.

  

Not many people get this opportunity.......

Sometimes opportunities pop up, that some may shy away from…..but you have to sit back and take a look at the situation and ask yourself, “Just how many people get this opportunity?”…….so here’s a recap of my weekend at work……..


Friday night, my section was in the lounge, where the singer, my ex-husband’s 4th ex-wife, would be entertaining the crowd, and I would entertaining myself waiting on whatever tables came my way.

Then rumor has it that my ex-husband and his current girlfriend, my ex-manager, (the one who hired me) will be coming in for dinner. So immediately my mind flashes to the what I think would b the most fun scenario…..they get a table in the lounge, I get the table and the singer sings…….in my world where nothing is normal, that would bring a smile to my face….but, alas, they sat on the patio….so I ran out a couple of times to chat…when it was time for me to leave, I went back out to the patio to say good night, and ended up sitting with everyone for half an hour. Ya gotta smile. I think this was some sort of 21st century family scene.

Then on Saturday night, by request, I got a table of 8 that consisted of the singer’s family. Her folks were there, her daughter, (who at one time was my son’s step sister), her brother and a couple of others. (Almost sounds like “Gilligan’s Island ) and I was introduced as Tom’s mom.

So as the conversation was ambling along, they asked what number wife I was. I told them I was number 2, so between their daughter and myself, we had the even numbers covered and we were gonna start a club.

Then a thought popped in my head……"Hey, since your daughter and I were both married to the same man, does that make us sisters-in-law?"

    

You brought your own tea bag, really?

We are always a little leery of people who bring there own beverages into a restaurant. The old adage “Actions speak louder than words” comes to mind. It says you are way too particular, or cheap. Serving hot tea is a pain in the butt as it is, it may not seem like much, but it is not one stop shopping, like a soft drink, where we grab a glass, fill it with ice, and then fill it with soda. No, we have to get the cup and saucer and spoon and lemon and a tea pot filled with hot water, and in many places, like where I currently work, the tea box. And now you tell me to bring a hot tea set up, but you’ve brought your own tea bag! Really?!? This comes across as even more odd, when the person who brought their own tea bag, is a man. Again, really?!? You can’t make it through one meal without your brand of tea? I can’t wait for the ordering of food to start……


I didn’t have to wait long…and the process was much more arduous than I had anticipated….

“Okay, what comes with the salmon?” (I love these questions when the answer is clearly printed in the menu and staring them in the face.)

“Can I trade out the side dishes for any of these other side dishes listed here?”

“It depends on which ones you want.”

Then it’s a game of 20 questions…“what about asparagus, can I trade that for the veggie of the day”….."Yes, but there will be a slight up charge for the asparagus”….."what about the mac & cheese?”…..(this was the 4th or 5th question, and I’m getting irritated), “There will be a full up charge for that”..…(I don’t really know for sure, but you started out on the wrong foot by bringing your own tea), and it drags on and on…..I’ve taken orders at a table for 6 faster than this…..OH! …..and don’t’ even try and tell me your dieting when you just tried swapping for mac & cheese….

And then you want some thick slices of cheddar cheese to go with your chili….“we don’t have any slices of cheddar……we have shredded cheese“…..

“Do you have any type of sliced cheese?”

I really have never noticed that the way cheese is sliced, has anything to do with the flavor.

Some people……….it makes you want to slap their mother…….