Saving yourself from boredom.......

There are always going to be those days, when you have run out of things to do.  Most typically this would happen in the middle of the day, when there are no customers. Two o’clock in the afternoon is just not a popular time to go out to eat. So there I am, rambling around, trying to keep myself busy, not to try and pretend that I am a stellar employee…..it’s much more selfish than that….I’m just trying to save myself from boredom.



One day I pulled out a bottle a of stainless steel cleaner, and decided to make things look shiny and pretty, but I’m over that now, that was last week’s thing. Or then there were a couple of times where I decided to unclog a drain in a sink or ice bin. There’s a process to unclogging drains….you always start by poking long straws in the drain, then you go in search of a wire hanger, and if that doesn’t work, you use the soda gun, if it will reach, you try and blast the drain by putting the gun right in the drain and squirting soda. (Hey! I’m on a mission here, and the drain cannot win) If all this fails, you hunt around for baking soda and vinegar. Finding these tools is like being on a scavenger hunt. It amuses me.


Yesterday, there were no drains to clear, or dragons to be slain, however, the lobby was being painted, so I told the painters I was gonna talk to them for a while and just breath in the paint fumes.


And don’t forget texting, you have to elongate the process of anything you do by stopping to intermittently send as many text messages as you can. Some, (like the manager) may think this is a waste of time, simply point out to them that what you are actually doing is improving your manual dexterity through texting.


 

Snappy bartender replies…….

It's a given, that when you’re a bartender, there will always be some people that complain about there drinks for one reason or another……here are some ways of dealing with the complaints……

I had one customer who always drank vodka and tonic. Mass quantities of vodka and tonic, in fact he would fall into the “professional drinker” category. Every now and then he would complain that the tonic was flat. So….I’d get a glass, put a little tonic in it, sample it, (I hate the taste of tonic) find out that there was nothing wrong with the tonic, (the horrible face I made when testing the tonic was the barometer we used to measure just how bad or good it was), then inform him, “There’s nothing wrong with the tonic, I just put too much vodka in there, there’s hardly any tonic in there. I can make the next one weaker.” Fool. No one is going to argue with the fact that you made their too strong.

Then there’s the guy who drank V.O. (whiskey) and coke….same complaint, “I think the coke is a little flat.”

Reply: “Be a real man and mix it with water.

And who can forget the woman who always drank draft beer. She had a gift for telling when the keg was about to go empty. She could tell by how much fizz there was to her beer. She was usually right….but just to offset her complaint, I would grab a straw, stick it in her beer mug and blow bubbles. “Here’s your damn fizz!”


 

There is no “I” in “teamwork”

One thing that has become abundantly clear after working in both privately owned and corporate restaurants, is that the managers at corporate restaurants have taken the phrase “There is no “I” in “teamwork” and turned it into an art form……and the “m” does not stand for “manager.”

At a privately owned restaurant, if need be, a manager will actually pick up a tray of food and deliver it. Or, if you have a large table, and the food will not fit on one tray, they will carry the extra tray for you. Contrast that with a corporate restaurant, where in the same situation, a manager will spend more time than it takes to drop off a tray, yelling for one of the other peon servers to carry it. AND…..on the even rarer occasion, when said manager actually stoops so low as do manual labor and God forbid, have to carry a tray, they will then act as if you had forced them at gunpoint to clean dog shit off of your shoes. Then to really drive the point home, they start scheduling servers to act as “food runners”, meaning you will have to work an entire shift, just running trays of food to tables, making half the money you normally would on Friday or Saturday night, because you and your fellow servers are just too inadequate and probably should not even be allowed to live.

At a corporate restaurant, I remember a time when a manager had to get a box of bread out of the freezer, and decided to “write up” all the servers who had the bread station as their side work. After all, how silly we were, to think that taking care of the customer was the most important thing. We inconvenienced a manager, we must be punished. At a privately owned restaurant, the cooks take care of the bread. Imagine that!?!

Ordering off the kids’ menu.......

If ever you wanted to announce to the world that you’re about as cheap as they come, order off of the kids’ menu. Although you are also letting us know you’re reading skills are sub-standard. The kids’ menu clearly states that these items are for children 12 and under.

One table consisted of Grandma, Grandpa, Mom, and three kids. One child is clearly under 12, the other two kids, well, it’s debatable…… Gram, Gramps, Mom….really, you are fooling no one….and no, we don’t think you’re clever.

I knew something was strange as soon as the ordering process began. The two children about whose age I was unsure, ordered a kids spaghetti dinner. That’s right, just “a” spaghetti dinner, and asked to have it split. The youngest child ordered nothing. Mom ordered a kids’ spaghetti dinner, and Gram and Gramps ordered a kids’ lasagna to split, and an extra plate for the youngest child. Okay, so we have three kids’ meals for six people.

So, I walk up to the chef and tell him the adults are ordering off the kids menu. He throws a chef fit, (which is what I was hoping would happen) and tells me “NO!”

Now it’s back to the table to tell them that the adults cannot order off of the kids’ menu. And, as to be expected, they get a little indignant about this. I don’t care, they are becoming a waste of my time and table space.

So they decide upon two regular spaghetti dinners, and they will all split them. What a fun dining experience this must be for the kids. Or perhaps it is to teach the children how to scam a restaurant and be the cheapest fools ever to walk the planet. There are plenty of restaurants around where they could’ve gotten a meal for half the price of this one. I guess it all boils down to one thing, “Why are you here?”



  

One more old time favorite..........

Way back when I started waitressing in the previous millenium.....we did not have computers.....(and yes, this is a "walked uphill to school, both ways story)....we had to write out all of the orders...At my first waitress job....they threw a five page menu at me and told me to memorize the menu, the prices and the abbreviations.....thank God I was only 19 and had more brain cells back then....we used those little order pads....you know, the one's that are now used as scrap paper....this proces was even more cumbersome for those with sub-standard handwriting...(like me)....a great incentive for learning all the prices was "If you write down the wrong price and under charge, you get to pay the difference"....ahhhh, the good old days....



There was also a different process for running a charge card.....it was a rather simple little device that we used....you placed a pre-printed, carbon attached charge slip on the device...and then slid a slide bar back and forth ..these devices are still available...in fact, there is one in a black box that we currently call our "crash kit,"....this is used for emergencies when the computer goes out....or we lose power.....we had a need for this device one day....a server gingerly pulled it out of the black box....set it on a counter, and then four servers stood around staring at it, in awe...none of whom had a clue as to how it worked.....they saw me walking towards them, and frantically called me over...."HOW DO YOU WORK THIS???"

...more about vacations.....

Let’s go back and talk about vacations for a few minutes………in the world of restaurants, there really isn’t a “paid vacation.” If you work somewhere long enough, you may eventually get a paid vacation, but it’s not going to be anywhere near what you would make in a week, so you have to weigh it out…..on the plus side, you can take a vacation anytime you want, as long as your shifts are covered…..but….are you going to lose too much money in all the merriment? I mean, at least you don’t have to wait a year to have a week off, pack up more shit than you need, go someplace you’re not really sure you want to go to, only to have it rain…..thus rendering you prisoner of all things indoors….(not what you had in mind)…..no swimming…..no beach…..that suntan oil was a waste of money……after day 3 of rain, everyone is getting one everyone else’s nerves…..you’re all arguing over what to eat…….or where should we eat….or what time should we eat….sounds like dealing with the customers at work……maybe I should have just stayed home and worked….at least that way I would be making money instead of losing it…….




But for now, it’s beautiful out, and I am on day 2 of my self-declared vacation……oh, I didn’t go anywhere…..I just wanted to relax for a couple of days….going somewhere seemed like too much work at the moment……..

Every now and then, just to keep your sanity, you have to take a self-declared vacation, so that is what I am doing today.   However, not to leave you high and dry, (well maybe high) I am reprinting one of my favorite old posts.  Have a great Monday!


We're all in this dinner rush together..... If we don't keep ourselves going...no one is


going to do it for us. So as you're rushing around taking the dinner orders of those who like to

re-write the menu, and taking care of the needs (oh, the many needs) of the one's at your next

table over.....who think they are the only one's in the restaurant (somehow the noise of a full

restaurant is lost on them...I'm sure many things are lost on them) and above all the noise, you

clearly (painfully) hear the chef yelling for a runner!!!!! and then manager is telling you to

refill drinks, (you were already aware they needed refilling) and were in fact on your way to do

that along with gather bread for the pigs at table 52 and also two salads for table 42....oh

that's right I also need to get extra salad dressing for table 62....so altogether I need....two

pepsis, a diet pepsi with lime, which makes for an extra stop at the bar, for the damn lime....a

water pitcher....(take a quick look around...where the hell's the water pitcher....) bread for

four at 52...better bring 2 dipping oils...they're pigs......a house salad (no cucumbers) and a

caesar for 42......get the extra dressing for 62.....okay, they have everything else they need

for right now.....okay....62 is good....52 is dripping oil off o their chins...they're

good......42..still on salads....Oh shit!I gotta ring their order in.....okay, that's taken care

of...oh shit! I forgot about 41! Whew....still drinking coffee....all cashed out....go to the

kitchen to get something to drink.....as soon as you swing that door open- break out in a

motivational song....."IIiiiiiiii..wanna rock and roll...all niiiiiight...and party ev e ry

day!!!!!!!!!!boomboomboomboomboomboom....IIIiiiii...wanna...rock and roll.....(gotta love KISS

for this song!)

Anna joins in!!!! (Anna is this hyper-feisty petite 40 year old Italian woman who should not be

allowed to drink caffeine, (oh relax..she's reading this right now) Okay one more time!!!!!!!!

IIIiiiiii...wanna rock and roll...all niiiiiiiigttttt........

You have not seen the true meaning of this song until you've seen me and Anna (both, definitely

over the average age of a server) rock this one out in the kitchen. Uh-huh. oh, it's okay, you

can lol....it's all the show was meant for. It's also a good tension relieving exercise.


Okay...back out on the floor now....