Really dude? I know my job....

Don’t ya just love those people who decide to become a self-appointed expert on your job? AND on the one appetizer they decide to order!

A couple wandered in last week…sat at the bar, he ordered a vodka and soda, just the cheap well brand (not too discerning in his taste, is he) it took her a minute to decide. Then they looked at the appetizer menu. He decided on the mussels, and in the meantime swilled down his drink in record time. Upon arrival of the appetizers, he picked up a mussel and started explaining to me how they should be prepared and how they should come out of their shells. Then he picked up another one and showed me how easily it came out of the shell blah blah blah….look dude, your cover as a culinary expert is blown when your wife looks over and says, “Since when are you an expert on mussels? You don’t even eat them!” “Yes I do!” “When was the last time you had mussels?” “I had them once with Jack.” “Oh yeah, so that makes you an expert.”

Then he picks up another mussel, proceeds to tell me why or why not that particular is perfect, or not……okay, I’m not gonna stand there and while you go through the entire bowl. I’ve got better things to do, like re-polish wine glasses.

They weren’t slurring their words, but it was pretty easy to tell that this was not their first stop of the evening. In between their sessions of mauling each other at the bar and her pushing him away, and him telling me what type of bar this should be, he copped an attitude. Whoa dude! (This is where you really need to distance yourself a little bit) See, he’s that volatile sort of drunk, (probably due to his lack of vocabulary and social graces) you never know what’s gonna set him off next. Yup, better to stay away. And then….he hits you with that old tired line, “I thought your job was to talk to us.” I just shrugged my shoulders. What I really wanted to say was, “I have tried talking to you, but you seem incapable of carrying on an intelligent conversation at this point in time.”

So go ahead and cop your attitude, I can out-attitude you in a New York minute, and even more important than that, I have all the booze. (Idiot)